Eagles at Redskins
Line: Redskins by 4.5
4:30 p.m. PST
Eight months ago to the day of Monday Night Football’s 2013 debut, Robert Griffin 3.0 bent his right knee 90 degrees the wrong way. Unlike erstwhile Rose Bowl hero/quarterback punk Johnny Utah, Girffin did not run away to join the FBI’s domestic crime division, Los Angeles branch; instead, thanks to the deft hands of soap-opera-sounding-doc Dr. James Andrews, he’ll be under center Monday as RG 3.0 v. 2.0.
Emerging from the visitor’s tunnel at FedEx field are the resurgent Eagles who benefited greatly in the offseason from Jennifer Lawrence’s turn as a light-afoot bipolar young Philly widow, ultimately leading to the hiring of Oregon coach Chip Kelly who likes both his women and offenses in the spread.
And while all eyes may be on whether Vick, McCoy and Jackson can fly with the City of Bortherly Love’s Coach K, the difference will be in the efficacy of coordinator Billy Davis’ reconstructed 3-4 defense on 3.0’s pair of reconstructed ligaments. In the end, 3.0 v. 2.0 will lose the track meet by a dread. Take it easy on the footlongs.
Final: Eagles 42, Redskins 35 (over)
Texans at Chargers
Line: Texans by 3.5
7:30 p.m. PST
Texans’ AFC-best secondary will be slightly hampered by the limited play of nine-time pro bowl Safety Ed Reed, which really doesn’t matter much because the Chargers still feature champion shotputter Philip Rivers under center who makes even second-stringers look like whatever they’ll have in place of the ProBowl(ers).
Bolts’ new head coach Mike McCoy returns to his native California to energize a franchise that hasn’t had enough spark to charge a flip phone since its last playoff appearance in 2009.
Mormon online dating and pass rush specialist Manti Te’o anchors a young Chargers defense which looks to improve under second-year coordinator Joe Pagano. Only problem, Te’o is sitting with a bruised foot.
None of this really matters however, because history shows the Chargers are 19-1 against the spread in their last 20 games against AFC East teams, especially the ones with aging o-lines.
Final: Chargers 23, Texans 21 (under)