No disrespect but …You just won your third World Series in less than a decade, so why are you already whining about next year?
No disrespect but …Your tight end’s still a murderer.
No disrespect but …Mark Whalberg’s in the new Transformers movie.
No disrespect but …Your town smells like the caaaah a week after you spilled coffee in it.
No disrespect but …We know it gets cold back there in February but it’s been in the mid-to-high 60s, so why were you all scarf and hatted up like the Fonz in winter?
No disrespect but …You groom your ski slopes with a Zamboni.
No disrespect but …Your MVP didn’t buy into that beard thing.
No disrespect but …Nobody at Cheers ever had a Boston accent.
No disrespect but …Helmets and goggles? What, did Shaun White coordinate your locker room celebration?
No disrespect but …No matter how much you grope Erin Andrews she’s on the next flight back to the West Coast, kind of like, I dunno, every other normal girl from back there.
No disrespect but …Pound for pound, Mo Vaughn is still a better DH.
No disrespect but …Because you invented the Tea Party, I’m holding you accountable.
No disrespect but …You were more lovable when you were losers. See: Chicago.
No disrespect but …Plus Chicago is still sleeping next to the Stanley Cup.
No disrespect but …The only movie worse than that one about how your public school system is so bad they let Einstein with a bowl cut become a janitor was Scorsese’s romantic comedy about a love triangle between Vera Faminga, Matt Damon and Leo DiCaprio.
No disrespect but …Most of us fell asleep during the third act of Argo and just took your word for it.
No disrespect but …It’s s-o-c-k-s
No disrespect but …Now for the next year/year-and-a-half, every time I go to the geeem or the baaaah, one of your expats is going to be dropping the hammer on his accent like he’s passing in the slow lane.
No disrespect but …At least this erases the memory of beating the Rockies in ’07; we all know that one didn’t count.
No disrespect but …Thank God last night’s celebration was well contained within city limits and there were no bridges for a Kennedy to drive off.
No disrespect but …Southie is more hipster-gentrified than Brooklyn.
No disrespect but …Hardly any of you are Irish anymore, so sober up.
No disrespect but …Last time Peter Gammons wrote a baseball column worth reading while pissing, Watergate was still the name of a hotel and we were arming the Taliban against Russia.
No disrespect but …At least you’ll always have Mutts Cutts. Nobody can take that away.
No disrespect but …Next time you coach that old-guy fan to get all underdog/nostalgic on TV, please remind him your payroll is creeping up toward $200 mil just behind the Yankees and the Dodgers.
No disrespect but …You can claim Aerosmith, the Pixies, NKOTB and The Cars but you also have to claim Godsmack.
No disrespect but …I still think you made a huge mistake by shipping Moonlight Graham back down to the minors after only one at-bat. Come on, give the kid a shot!*
*Ok, so what if Archie Graham was really a New York Giant? Then why did Costner take Vader to Fenway to see the scoreboa– ugh, never mind.