Baseball is blown calls (now by replay: basball is blwon cals)

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Baseball is blown calls.

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Baseball is blown calls and cold hot dogs.

Baseball is blown calls and cold hot dogs and warm beers.

Baseball is blown calls and cold hot dogs and warm beers and the foamy spittle on the sides of the mouth of the guy next to you who’s calling the play-by-play into your ear with a rolled up program.

Baseball is blown calls and cold hot dogs and warm beers and the foamy spittle on the sides of the mouth of the guy next to you who’s calling the play-by-play into your ear with a rolled up program and the most prolific hitter in the game’s history not being in the hall of fame because he couldn’t keep his parlay card in his pants.

Baseball is blown calls and cold hot dogs and warm beers and the foamy spittle on the sides of the mouth of the guy next to you who’s calling the play-by-play into your ear with a rolled up program and the most prolific hitter in the game’s history not being in the hall of fame because he couldn’t keep his parlay card in his pants and the home run king rounding the bases on number 756 with an asterisk trailing him like a stray dog looking waiting for you to toss your wrapper.

Baseball is blown calls and cold hot dogs and warm beers and the foamy spittle on the sides of the mouth of the guy next to you who’s calling the play-by-play into your ear with a rolled up program and the most prolific hitter in the game’s history not being in the hall of fame because he couldn’t keep his parlay card in his pants and the home run king rounding the bases on number 756 with an asterisk trailing him like a stray dog looking waiting for you to toss your wrapper and game’s greatest pointing his bat towards center in Wrigley in the fifth inning of game three of the 1932 World Series and one swing later, dropping the ball off just beyond the ivy.

Baseball is blown calls and cold hot dogs and warm beers and the foamy spittle on the sides of the mouth of the guy next to you who’s calling the play-by-play into your ear with a rolled up program and the most prolific hitter in the game’s history not being in the hall of fame because he couldn’t keep his parlay card in his pants and the home run king rounding the bases on number 756 with an asterisk trailing him like a stray dog looking waiting for you to toss your wrapper and game’s greatest pointing his bat towards center in Wrigley in the fifth inning of game three of the 1932 World Series and one swing later, dropping the ball off just beyond the ivy and Bill Wambsganss’s first ever unassisted triple play in the ’20 World Series.

Baseball is blown calls and cold hot dogs and warm beers and the foamy spittle on the sides of the mouth of the guy next to you who’s calling the play-by-play into your ear with a rolled up program and the most prolific hitter in the game’s history not being in the hall of fame because he couldn’t keep his parlay card in his pants and the home run king rounding the bases on number 756 with an asterisk trailing him like a stray dog looking waiting for you to toss your wrapper and game’s greatest pointing his bat towards center in Wrigley in the fifth inning of game three of the 1932 World Series and one swing later, dropping the ball off just beyond the ivy and Bill Wambsganss’s first ever unassisted triple play in the ’20 World Series and seeing nothing but number 24 run as fast as any mortal could to grab a ball from the heavens in the deepest part of any field ever built.

Baseball is blown calls and cold hot dogs and warm beers and the foamy spittle on the sides of the mouth of the guy next to you who’s calling the play-by-play into your ear with a rolled up program and the most prolific hitter in the game’s history not being in the hall of fame because he couldn’t keep his parlay card in his pants and the home run king rounding the bases on number 756 with an asterisk trailing him like a stray dog looking waiting for you to toss your wrapper and game’s greatest pointing his bat towards center in Wrigley in the fifth inning of game three of the 1932 World Series and one swing later, dropping the ball off just beyond the ivy and Bill Wambsganss’s first ever unassisted triple play in the ’20 World Series and seeing nothing but number 24 run as fast as any mortal could to grab a ball from the heavens in the deepest part of any field ever built and a ball through Bill Buckner’s legs with two outs in the 10th inning.

Baseball is blown calls and cold hot dogs and warm beers and the foamy spittle on the sides of the mouth of the guy next to you who’s calling the play-by-play into your ear with a rolled up program and the most prolific hitter in the game’s history not being in the hall of fame because he couldn’t keep his parlay card in his pants and the home run king rounding the bases on number 756 with an asterisk trailing him like a stray dog looking waiting for you to toss your wrapper and game’s greatest pointing his bat towards center in Wrigley in the fifth inning of game three of the 1932 World Series and one swing later, dropping the ball off just beyond the ivy and Bill Wambsganss’s first ever unassisted triple play in the ’20 World Series and seeing nothing but number 24 run as fast as any mortal could to grab a ball from the heavens in the deepest part of any field ever built and a ball through Bill Buckner’s legs with two outs in the 10th inning and this quote from July 4, 1939: “Fans, for the past two weeks you have been reading about the bad break I got. Yet today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of this earth. I have been in ballparks for seventeen years and have never received anything but kindness and encouragement from you fans.”

Baseball is blown calls and cold hot dogs and warm beers and the foamy spittle on the sides of the mouth of the guy next to you who’s calling the play-by-play into your ear with a rolled up program and the most prolific hitter in the game’s history not being in the hall of fame because he couldn’t keep his parlay card in his pants and the home run king rounding the bases on number 756 with an asterisk trailing him like a stray dog looking waiting for you to toss your wrapper and game’s greatest pointing his bat towards center in Wrigley in the fifth inning of game three of the 1932 World Series and one swing later, dropping the ball off just beyond the ivy and Bill Wambsganss’s first ever unassisted triple play in the ’20 World Series and seeing nothing but number 24 run as fast as any mortal could to grab a ball from the heavens in the deepest part of any field ever built and a ball through Bill Buckner’s legs with two outs in the 10th inning and this quote from July 4, 1939: “Fans, for the past two weeks you have been reading about the bad break I got. Yet today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of this earth. I have been in ballparks for seventeen years and have never received anything but kindness and encouragement from you fans” and Russ Hodges’ call of the Shot Heard Round the World.

Baseball is blown calls and cold hot dogs and warm beers and the foamy spittle on the sides of the mouth of the guy next to you who’s calling the play-by-play into your ear with a rolled up program and the most prolific hitter in the game’s history not being in the hall of fame because he couldn’t keep his parlay card in his pants and the home run king rounding the bases on number 756 with an asterisk trailing him like a stray dog looking waiting for you to toss your wrapper and game’s greatest pointing his bat towards center in Wrigley in the fifth inning of game three of the 1932 World Series and one swing later, dropping the ball off just beyond the ivy and Bill Wambsganss’s first ever unassisted triple play in the ’20 World Series and seeing nothing but number 24 run as fast as any mortal could to grab a ball from the heavens in the deepest part of any field ever built and a ball through Bill Buckner’s legs with two outs in the 10th inning and this quote from July 4, 1939: “Fans, for the past two weeks you have been reading about the bad break I got. Yet today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of this earth. I have been in ballparks for seventeen years and have never received anything but kindness and encouragement from you fans” and Russ Hodges’ call of the Shot Heard Round the World and number 47 taking the field for the first time.

Baseball is blown calls and cold hot dogs and warm beers and the foamy spittle on the sides of the mouth of the guy next to you who’s calling the play-by-play into your ear with a rolled up program and the most prolific hitter in the game’s history not being in the hall of fame because he couldn’t keep his parlay card in his pants and the home run king rounding the bases on number 756 with an asterisk trailing him like a stray dog looking waiting for you to toss your wrapper and game’s greatest pointing his bat towards center in Wrigley in the fifth inning of game three of the 1932 World Series and one swing later, dropping the ball off just beyond the ivy and Bill Wambsganss’s first ever unassisted triple play in the ’20 World Series and seeing nothing but number 24 run as fast as any mortal could to grab a ball from the heavens in the deepest part of any field ever built and a ball through Bill Buckner’s legs with two outs in the 10th inning and this quote from July 4, 1939: “Fans, for the past two weeks you have been reading about the bad break I got. Yet today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of this earth. I have been in ballparks for seventeen years and have never received anything but kindness and encouragement from you fans” and Russ Hodges’ call of the Shot Heard Round the World and number 47 taking the field for the first time and that feeling of the turnstyle against your thigh each time you step in the ballpark makes you feel exactly the way you did, the first time you stepped in the ballpark.

But most of all, Baseball is blown calls. …Or at least it was.

On Jan. 16, Major League Baseball will be the last major sport to adopt the instant replay rule and with that, bury its own ghosts, demons, mistakes, incidents and nose-to-nose tete-a-tetes in favor of a flavorless instant replay flag.

Instant replay 2014 will give each manager, who now has to communicate to the ump via headset as if he’s ordering off Sky Mall, two challenges a game to be used before the next consecutive pitch. Balls, strikes and foul tips won’t be reviewed but a manager cannot call for a challenge after he argues a play.

…So not only are they taking away blown calls, but arguing blown calls as well. Might as well do away with first marriages, the judicial branch, happy hour, the dollar menu, hashtags (#hashtag), tired mothers, 87 octane gas, Internet Explorer endlessly spinning, cold hot dogs and warm beers while they’re at it.

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