Disturbing Bridger Bowl Gaper caper movie clip leaked online

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Ed Note: In the first truly meta moment of the new year, a clip from a to-be-released film about a computer hacker who is set up by his bosses to meet his ultimate demise at a Montana ski resort leaked Monday. Below, the clip from the docudrama (working title: “Melt Down”) as well as the movie’s original pitch and screenplay excerpt we obtained from a former intern who is now a Culver City-based Sparkletts guy.

 

The Pitch:

“Melt Down” is a film written along the lines of action/onset middle age existential malaise thrillers such as “Taken” and “Force Majeure”. The story is about a skier wearing a black ski bib and sweater simply known as Gaper Guy who is trying to get a rebate for three ADULT lift tickets because he:

  1. Can’t read signs
  2. Doesn’t have an avalanche transceiver
  3. Probably doesn’t know what a transceiver is
  4. Is not allowed on Schlasman’s Lift

The film is topical: Gaper Guy is actually one of the Sony hackers who’s upset because he’s discovered leaked internal emails from studio bosses who out Aaron Sorkin as a broke and slutty guy didn’t keep people away from movie theaters during the holiday season.

When told by his underworld bosses that he was getting too emotionally attached to his work and he should go on a ski vacation, Gaper Guy is already teetering on the edge.

But the ski break was no solace. He completely loses his shit as he looks inward and discovers a top hacker surviving in the analog world requires the one thing he can always get in cyberspace but has no idea how to find on the mountain—unlimited access.

The block to access in this case comes in the form of The Transceiver he is unable to procure.

Meanwhile, the CIA girds for an assault on an operative known as Nice Ticket Window Lady and dispatches a bro’y-looking assassin to ensure the safety of their own as well as Gaper Guy’s demise—the intent of the underworld bosses all along.

Knowing his time is running out with more than $150 on the line, dreams of skiing the entire mountain already thwarted, will Gaper Guy get what he came for? Or does the Nice Ticket Window Lady and her clandestine employer foil his plans and ultimately carry out the bidding of his own turncoat organization?

Below, a pivotal scene from “Melt Down”:

FADE FROM BLACK

EXT. A light snow is falling at the Bridger Bowl lift ticket window line — Day

Nice Ticket Window Lady

Says right here on the trail map…

Gaper Guy

(standing in front of the ticket window in bib and sweater kit with his rear entry boots on display by his feet)

…It doesn’t say anywhere on here. It’s not out of bounds, it’s one of your fucking lift lines. You don’t say when I bought my ticket that I can’t ski every fucking lift on your mountain.

Polite Dad Bystander

(VO)

Hey!

Gaper Guy

(cont’d)

That’s bullshit. I want my money back.

Polite Dad Bystander

…I have a four-year-old.

Gaper Guy

I want my money back.

Polite Dad Bystander

Watch your language please. Thank you.

Gaper Guy

Tell them to watch what they’re selling. I want my money back.

Nice Ticket Window Lady

I’m sorry.

Gaper Guy

Uh, no. You’re not sorry. I want my money back.

Nice Ticket Window Lady

(gestures to other skiers behind Gaper Guy in the queue)

Gaper Guy

I’m not moving. Tell them to go to another line. You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. There’s nothing that says that lift will—that I don’t have access to every lift when I buy a ticket. It doesn’t. Tell me. Show me. Show me where that lift line says when I pay 52 bucks I can’t ski it. It doesn’t. Nowhere does it say that lift line is the only one I will have access to when I bought the ticket. You guys are ruin—you’re ripping me off. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Nice Ticket Window Lady

There are other lifts on the mountain that you have access to—

Gaper Guy

I paid to ski the mountain. I came up here for that purpose.

Nice Ticket Window Lady

You can ski—

Gaper Guy

Oh my god, I didn’t have access to the entire mountain. You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. You misrepresent what this is. I want my money back. Put it on the card.

Nice Ticket Window Lady

(shakes her head)

Gaper Guy

Then tell—let me talk to someone who can.

Nice Ticket Window Lady

Right now, I’m the one in charge. Sorry.

Gaper Guy

I want my money back. I want a refund.

Nice Ticket Window Lady

Sir, you’re causing a disturbance.

Gaper Guy

…I planned on doing that for a long time now. You guys should be ashamed of yourself. That’s disgusting. Why can’t you just put it on the fucking sign? Say, when you buy a lift ticket you don’t have access.

Nice Ticket Window Lady

(gestures to her left)

If you would read the sign right next to you.

Gaper Guy

I am reading it. I am reading it.

Nice Ticket Window Lady

You actually are not because it says that.

Gaper Guy

Nope. Doesn’t say anything right here that I don’t have access to the entire mountain. That doesn’t say anything about—gerreg—that that’s talking about going out and hiking the ridge and other shit. I’m try—I ski to a lift line.

Nice Ticket Window Lady

Well sir, it’s part of the…the area that—

Gaper Guy

It’s part of your mountain that you tuh—you advertise that I can ski. I can ride the lift and ski it. But no I can’t.

Nice Ticket Window Lady

You have to have access…

Gaper Guy

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Nice Ticket Window Lady

…You have to have a transceiver.

Gaper Guy

Yeah, well. And you don’t tell people that? That’s ridiculous. You don’t. Where is it? You told me—like. When you sold me my goddamn ticket you didn’t say, ‘Hey you, guess what…

Child’s Voice

(V0)

Dad?

Mother’s Voice

(VO)

Do you need to pick up your dad?

Gaper Guy

…You can’t ski that lift unless you have a transceiver.’

Mother’s Voice

(VO)

You need to turn the phone off.

Nice Ticket Window Lady

You need to read the trial map.

Gaper Guy

I don’t. Oh! Tell me I don’t know how to read the trail map then?

Nice Ticket Window Lady

Yeah, It’s—it’s right there.

Undercover CIA Assassin

(approaches menacingly wearing bro’y ski gear)

Gaper Guy

(turns to assassin)

Oh. Gimme. no. Where, does it say in the lift line? You wanna get in this argument too? We can all start fightin’ about it.

Guy Sent by Underworld Boss to Take Gaper Guy In

(heavy-set white-haired man trying to not blow his cover approaches window)

Ya don?

Gaper Guy

(knows he’s being taken in, resistant)

You guys wanna pick a fight, go ahead. It’s none of your damn business. Gimme my money back.

Guy Sent by Underworld Boss to Take Gaper Guy In

Give him a refund. It’s take-a-buh. ‘S refund. Tick. Tick. Bag. What?

Gaper Guy

Three adult tickets. I bought. THREE. ADULT. TICKETS.

Fin

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