My brief and torrid love affair with the iPhone 6s


We all love our handheld devices. Some a little more than others.

By Andrew Pridgen

Me: Hey.

iPhone 6s: Hey

Me: How’s it?

iPhone 6s: Good. U?

Me: Good.

iPhone 6s:

Me: Sorry. I’m kinda new at this. lol.

iPhone 6s: Don’t worry. I get it.

Me: So, um. How does this work?

iPhone 6s: …Wow. No small talk?

Me: I know what I want.

iPhone 6s: Sounds like it.

Me: So, yeah. How much?

iPhone 6s: $649 for the basic package. $100 more for the deluxe.

Me: Wow. That’s actually more than I thought. Are you worth it?

iPhone 6s: The question is…are you worth it?

Me: Ha. Yeah. I guess I am.

iPhone 6s: You won’t regret it.

Me: The Watch said the same thing—I mean its slogan is ‘to wear it is to love it’ duh. Anyway, I ended up getting tunnel vision from trying to stare at my wrist while my hand was moving so fast…

iPhone 6s: TMI.

Me: Sorry. Can we talk about some of your measurements?

iPhone 6s: I thought you’d never ask.

Me: How much can you, you know…store up in there?

iPhone 6s: 16GB

Me: I was hoping for a phone with 32…but I guess that’ll work.

iPhone 6s: 32’s a lot. Too big. It would just weigh me down.

Me: Yeah, but gives me a lot to play with ?.

iPhone 6s: Maybe I’ll get an enhancement someday. lol.

Me: And how big is your…screen?

iPhone 6s: 5.5 inches. How big are you?

Me: Wow. Um. About that on a good day—when I haven’t been swimming in the ocean. ? What else you got?

iPhone 6s: I got this thing called 3D touch.

Me: Mmmmm. Is that what it sounds like?

iPhone 6s: I like to call it peek and pop—if that tells you anything.

Me: That tells me plenty.

iPhone 6s: What else?

Me: What if I want to…capture what we do?

iPhone 6s: Sure. You can do that.

Me: Is it extra?

iPhone 6s: No. It comes standard. I have a 5-megapixel front-facing camera, and a 12-megapixel unit on the rear.

Me: I like to use the rear.

iPhone 6s: Most users do.

Me: What if, you know, I want to film it?

iPhone 6s: I can take 4K video which is better quality than most of the movies you sit there and, um, ‘watch’ in your living room. I have to warn you though, it takes up 375MB of space per minute.

Me: So I may end up paying extra?

iPhone 6s: Not necessarily. Just be careful with how much you load in me.

Me: Oh, yeah. I was going to ask you about that.

iPhone 6s: Protection?

Me: Yeah. I grew up in the ‘90s and have had a lot, you know, break on me.

iPhone 6s: You sound like you like it rough.

Me: lol. Maybe a little bit. I like to throw you around.

iPhone 6s: That’s OK. I can handle it. My glass screen has gotten a little stronger and my aluminum case can, you know, take a beating.

Me: Hmmm. Maybe that’s why you look a little thick in your pictures.

iPhone 6s: Rude!

Me: Sorry.

iPhone 6s: j/k. Actually, you’re right. I’m a little bigger than before.

Me: I like a phone with a little heft. Not gonna lie, I’m getting a little worked up over here.

iPhone 6s: How bout this? When you press my shutter button, a Live indicator comes up on the screen and records 1.5 seconds of action before and after you shoot.

Me: Oh man. Hold on.


iPhone 6s: You there?

Me: Sorry. You kind of. Well, you know. Got, uh. …Distracted.

iPhone 6s: Ummm. OK. So, are we still on for my release on the 25th?

Me: (flushed) No. I think I’m good but thank you.

iPhone 6s: I don’t…

iPhone 6s: Hello?