We all love our handheld devices. Some a little more than others.
iPhone 6s: Hey
Me: How’s it?
iPhone 6s: Good. U?
iPhone 6s: …
Me: Sorry. I’m kinda new at this. lol.
iPhone 6s: Don’t worry. I get it.
Me: So, um. How does this work?
iPhone 6s: …Wow. No small talk?
Me: I know what I want.
iPhone 6s: Sounds like it.
Me: So, yeah. How much?
iPhone 6s: $649 for the basic package. $100 more for the deluxe.
Me: Wow. That’s actually more than I thought. Are you worth it?
iPhone 6s: The question is…are you worth it?
Me: Ha. Yeah. I guess I am.
iPhone 6s: You won’t regret it.
Me: The Watch said the same thing—I mean its slogan is ‘to wear it is to love it’ duh. Anyway, I ended up getting tunnel vision from trying to stare at my wrist while my hand was moving so fast…
iPhone 6s: TMI.
Me: Sorry. Can we talk about some of your measurements?
iPhone 6s: I thought you’d never ask.
Me: How much can you, you know…store up in there?
iPhone 6s: 16GB
Me: I was hoping for a phone with 32…but I guess that’ll work.
iPhone 6s: 32’s a lot. Too big. It would just weigh me down.
Me: Yeah, but gives me a lot to play with ?.
iPhone 6s: Maybe I’ll get an enhancement someday. lol.
Me: And how big is your…screen?
iPhone 6s: 5.5 inches. How big are you?
Me: Wow. Um. About that on a good day—when I haven’t been swimming in the ocean. ? What else you got?
iPhone 6s: I got this thing called 3D touch.
Me: Mmmmm. Is that what it sounds like?
iPhone 6s: I like to call it peek and pop—if that tells you anything.
Me: That tells me plenty.
iPhone 6s: What else?
Me: What if I want to…capture what we do?
iPhone 6s: Sure. You can do that.
Me: Is it extra?
iPhone 6s: No. It comes standard. I have a 5-megapixel front-facing camera, and a 12-megapixel unit on the rear.
Me: I like to use the rear.
iPhone 6s: Most users do.
Me: What if, you know, I want to film it?
iPhone 6s: I can take 4K video which is better quality than most of the movies you sit there and, um, ‘watch’ in your living room. I have to warn you though, it takes up 375MB of space per minute.
Me: So I may end up paying extra?
iPhone 6s: Not necessarily. Just be careful with how much you load in me.
Me: Oh, yeah. I was going to ask you about that.
iPhone 6s: Protection?
Me: Yeah. I grew up in the ‘90s and have had a lot, you know, break on me.
iPhone 6s: You sound like you like it rough.
Me: lol. Maybe a little bit. I like to throw you around.
iPhone 6s: That’s OK. I can handle it. My glass screen has gotten a little stronger and my aluminum case can, you know, take a beating.
Me: Hmmm. Maybe that’s why you look a little thick in your pictures.
iPhone 6s: Rude!
iPhone 6s: j/k. Actually, you’re right. I’m a little bigger than before.
Me: I like a phone with a little heft. Not gonna lie, I’m getting a little worked up over here.
iPhone 6s: How bout this? When you press my shutter button, a Live indicator comes up on the screen and records 1.5 seconds of action before and after you shoot.
Me: Oh man. Hold on.
iPhone 6s: You there?
Me: Sorry. You kind of. Well, you know. Got, uh. …Distracted.
iPhone 6s: Ummm. OK. So, are we still on for my release on the 25th?
Me: (flushed) No. I think I’m good but thank you.
iPhone 6s: I don’t…
iPhone 6s: Hello?