All the things that went through Jeremy Jones’s head during his 20,000-foot first descent

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Spoiler Alert: There’s a good chance Jimmy Buffett will creep into your head when you’re trying to cheat death.

By Andrew J. Pridgen

Truckee’s Jeremy Jones recently spent 40 minutes jump turning down a spine in the Himalayas. That’s roughly the equivalent of running around and getting knives thrown at you in the dark for an entire episode of House of Cards.

:38 Is my GoPro on?

1:19 I could go for a Treat Box breakfast sando right now.

2:09 I hope they’re filming this.

2:45 I fucking hope they’re not filming this.

3:18 Heel, toe. Heel, toe. Heel…

3:41 Wasted away again in Margrerrre-ville. Something something something something of salt.

4:19 Why is that song in my head? Sing something else.

4:37 Fuck you Jake Burton.

5:01 Did I tip enough last time at Drunken Monkey?

5:46 What’s the snowboard version of snollerblades?

5:49 Is snowboarding the snowboard version of snollerblades?

6:07 …Yeah, it’s just snowboarding in general.

6:09 Places I’d rather be: Fucking anywhere. Bonus points if it has a hammock.

7:13 Those Corona commercials really get it right. Too bad their beer is awful.

8:19 …Some people say that there’s a woman to blame.

9:02 Fuck.

9:15 New Moon Natural Foods is great. I like them. But why’d they name their store after something from the Twilight Series?

9:18 Fuck. What was the name of that video store next to New Moon?

10:17 When’s the last time I made a collect call…hmm.

10:25 ‘98?

10:51 I’ll go with ‘98. My default answer for all things I can’t remember clearly will be ‘98 from now on.

11:18 Like nobody’s going to question if I start by saying, ‘Yeah, well back in ‘98…’

11:47 That turn sucked. Only like 100-fucking-million more to go.

12:17 I really wanted the new Star Wars to be better.

14:14 It wasn’t bad. It just…I mean, nothing about it really stayed with me.

14:56 That’d be a nice place for a sauna.

15:11 …But I won’t…It’s nobody’s fault.

16:29 Missy Elliott.

16:30 Why did I suddenly think of Missy Elliott?

17:56 Hey guys in the chopper, if I die right now will one of you delete the part where my last words are Missy Elliott?

18:08 Holy, shit—I just figured it out…

18:44 …My brothers became millionaires by simply daring me to do shit.

19:03 Cheeky bastards. Beers on fucking them.

20:18 Condos man. Fuck condos. All condos. If we get rid of all condos and unpave our roads all the shit will stop melting.

22:11 I gotta write that down. I know I’m going to forget it if I don’t.

22:47 OK, focus.

23:04 Nope. This shit’s too scary, back to unfocusing.

24:01 What’s with the hamburger cake that’s ALWAYS sitting in the display case at Treat Box?

24:08 Did I mention Treat Box breakfast sandwiches?

25:45 All the gapers at Burger Me.

25:55 Um, Missy Elliott—ah-gain. I gotta write her a letter or something when this is done.

26:23 Wait, I get to snowboarded for a living. Does that mean when I retire I should go work in a cubicle.

27:28 Cubicle.

27:39 Cubicle. Cubicle. Cubicle. Cubicle.

29:13 I wonder if Tarantino has ever snowboarded. Something tells me he could make it annoying.

31:30 I mean, I know yoga works, but does it work that well?

31:48 Geriatric Yoga clothes.

32:27 Yoga clothes…for dogs?

33:53 Doga?

34:31 Fuck man. I’m going on Shark Tank with Doga.

35:56 Doga studio.

36:45 Doga studio—a health spa for dogs.

37:23 You guys getting that: Jones’s Doga Studios.

38:56 …But I won’t …it’s my own fault.

39:21 Fuck, I get it. At the end of the song. It’s his fault. How did I never realize that?

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZCCY_lECDw&w=560&h=315]

photo: moutainfilm.org

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