The domain I’ve been waiting for at a price I can afford!

By Andrew J. Pridgen

Most of the time godaddy sends me emails that reek of empty promises. Notices for expiring sites I bought at 3 a.m. while watching Magnum P.I. on Netflix and realizing IslandHoppers.org was fucking available for under $8; or that monthly $6.99 bill for web hosting that I have no idea which site it’s for but I’m afraid to turn it off.

But once in awhile, godaddy delivers.

Today, in my inbox, I found out that someone—someone probably a lot like me—improbably let the greatest-named site of all time slip through their fingers.

Check it:

GoDaddy_Domain_Name_Search_Tool_-_2016-05-16_17.09.50That’s right. Driftertoday.com is available.

Clearly I did this search before the .today stuff happened. So I decided to double-down…and check it:

GoDaddy_Domain_Name_Search_Tool_-_2016-05-16_17.39.45

FUCKING DRIFTER.TODAY is available as well.

For like $30/year I can pretty much corner the market on a web digest on the lives of Drifters. Google it bitches. There’s NOTHING about Drifters. Or nothing about today’s Drifter at least.

The New York Times recently did a story about how the top one-fifth (that’s also 20 percent, they have a math chart in the article that says so) is pushing around the other rest of the country remains after that. So basically the bottom like 30 percent has grown while the middle has shrunk.

And I’m willing to guess a good portion of that growing bottom part…is Drifters.

I did some more digging through some notes on my phone and I found out that my memory served me well. Here is what I found:

Drifter Today – Biz plan

^ Straight up ‘Biz’ plannin’!

  • Quarterly (Monthly?) print magazine with daily web content featuring Drifters of all stripes (<- Drifters apparently are zebras).
  • Taschen-style or maybe Terry Richardson-style risque photography of…Drifters doing their thing (<- No idea what the ellipses are there for but I’m sure whatever’s missing from that thought could unlock the Ark of the Covenant.)
  • Drifter-related topics (<-of fucking course) like.

(Ready?)

  • Cats: It’s what’s for dinner.
  • How to fix a thrown-away vape.
  • Trolling empty tailgaters during games: Get drunk for profit
  • A Drifter’s Guide to Drifter Sex (<- I feel like this is the one that’s going to hook ‘em)
  • How to fit into a regular party when you’re a Drifter.
  • Wedding-crashing Drifters.
  • Taking a shower and stealing a bunch of shit from someone’s house during their barbecue before anyone calls you on being a Drifter (<- as you can see a lot of my Drifter content is based on party-crashing.)
  • The best vacation communities for Drifters to squat in the off-season. (<- I also feel like there’s potential for an airbnb-type app for squatters…then I realized most of them don’t have phones.)
  • Drifter-killer for hire/classifieds (<- I feel like Drifters can do a LOT of unsavory-type tasks that you can’t find on Craigslist…which is a secondary source of revenue for Driftertoday.com.)
  • Drifters and Magic through the centuries (Self-explanatory.)
  • Do you have what it takes to be a Drifter?
  • They’re Drifters just like you (C-list and below celeb drifters) …also featuring an Ask Margot advice column written by Margot Kidder.)
  • Drinking urine. The party trick that gets you paid!
  • That dreamcatcher you got: Probably made by a Drifter (<-Also something about Drifter crafts.)
  • A Drifter’s guide to Freeganism.
  • Drifters and Juggalos—know the difference (your life could depend on it).
  • Favorite fast food joints of today’s Drifter.
  • Drifter Jeopardy? It could be a thing if we all sign a White House petition.
  • The Drifter/hobo controversy.
  • Buy one dinner, get a second for a Drifter free—and other Olive Garden offerings for Drifters.
  • Hire a Drifter babysitter: Pros and cons.
  • 70 Sexy Drifter Halloween costume ideas.
  • Sea-level Drifters speak of the High Plains myth and 33 other Drifter inaccuracies debunked.
  • Fact: Drifters don’t have to pay back student loans.
  • 20 ways to tell that person on Grindr/Tinder is a Drifter.
  • Hand Jobs: The 21st Century Drifter Currency.
  • Cat Stevens: Muslim or Drifter?

…There’s about four other pages of notes, but the ideas are less fully formed. It’s like real 2 a.m. stuff like, ‘Drifter fishin’ poles and Drifter fishin’ holes” and “McConaughey—no longer just your mother’s drifter.”

Oh, and then there was: “Drifters drift racing—think about it!”

…BTDubs, I know what you’re thinking but Moderndrifter.com is taken. But I thought the Modern Farmer peeps or Dierks Bentley (if that’s his real name) might throw a cease and desist my way faster than a landlord doesn’t give back my deposits. So, there you go.

 

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