Procter & Gamble’s Olympic advertising is designed to leave you a sobbing mess, and they’re assholes for being good at it.

Written by Kyle Magin

I knew what I was doing when I YouTubed Procter & Gamble’s 2016 Olympic ‘Moms’ ad.

In every Olympics since 2010, P&G has run an ad designed to make you weep by showcasing the devotion of mothers to their future Olympians.

It kicked off in 2010, with a commercial depicting tiny tots acting like big grown-up athletes, with a kicker at the end saying “To their moms, they’ll always be kids.” Here:

Then they went ahead and doubled-down in London, reminding you that doing some good momin’ in the world’s toughest job:

Did P&G do some sappy mom shit in 2014? P&G DID SOME SAPPY MOM SHIT IN 2014. TO WIT:

//Reaches for Kleenex (not a P&G product!)

So, I was ready for P&G’s summer 2016 offering. Hardened against moms raising, driving, and cheering athletes from tots to teens (all the while washing their dishes, clothes and poor-people houses with P&G products. They are, you know, selling something here.)

I fire up the 2016 Moms video, and goddamnit. P&G decides to go batshit crazy. Watch this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQ3k6BFX2uw

Up yours, P&G. You really think I’m going to cry when you start your psychotic-ass ad with a Simone Biles-ish girl turning to her mom beckoning her into a storm shelter as an F5 bears down?

You think I’ll choke back a sob when a Brazilian mom gets t-boned with her little volleyballer in the back? When a Chinese mom tells her son to stick with his training, and a German mother comforts her son during a bout of nasty turbulence. And then, when those kids use those moments before they hit the mat/pool/track/sand in Rio?

You’re damn right my eyes watered up. Same thing that happens when some of your soap gets in them.

Thanks, P&G.

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