It was the worst of times and then times got fucking worse.
In hindsight we might think about how cute and quaint our complaints of this year really were with no world wars, no internment camps, no jailings of dissenters and not having to say sentences like, “I can’t believe they bombed my Starbucks this morning. Tomorrow, we’re thinking of migrating upriver. We hear the garbage fires aren’t completely toxic and the scary clowns take Sundays off of night raids a little closer to Stockton.”
And if you think everything’s going to be OK, it most definitely is not. Thinking things will be OK got us here.
If you are paranoid, good. Keep it up and welcome to the most dangerous decade on earth.
If you are not paranoid, you are either ignorant, in denial or, you know, one of those people who hates being called racist, nativist, xenophobic, homophobic, or just plain unfunny/unattractive and um, unappealing…I have yet to scan the crowd at a Trump rally and think, “Man arm fat is so now”—but you actually are all of those things and voted in anger so nice work, you are an American terrorist in search of an authoritarian figure. Congrats on getting what you wanted.
To the rest of you, stand up for what’s right in your heart even if it comes at great perceived cost. Nothing in this world is more valuable than protecting what is good. History rewards those who stay vigilant not those who succumb to fear.
…And so it went, a year on the precipice. We bid thee a fond farewell 2016, you took our innocence and our trust but you do not have our spirit just yet. You gave us much to write about and you changed the sound and structure of the world down to the pages of this website.
Some might say we went a little dark, but the real darkness has yet to come as America, with the help of Russia, has freely elected a septuagenarian who has never had a boss, never owned a dog and has no friends without ulterior motives. Voted into office a man with dictatorial aspirations and skin the thickness of rice paper as its commander-in-chief—the man our founding fathers warned us about hell bent on dissolving their more perfect union for his own personal financial and power (and p*ssy)-grabbing gain.
It was a year we didn’t need a Tarantino movie to remind us what evil men is capable of.
We will continue to hope for the best, pray for compassion, fight for truth, stand up for one another and for now know that pitchers and catchers still will report in 60 days. We will take comfort in that, perhaps the one irrefutable truth we as Americans have left.
Kyle & AJ
Here then, the top 16 stories of ‘16 based on an aggregate number of reads, shares, comments and angry texts:
- (three-way tie)