Snowbirds, you’re already living in Scottsdale, so…

Written by Kyle Magin

Major League Baseball is deft at self-inflicted injuries. From investigating and shaming its own superstars for a decade post-steroid era to letting spazzes run its flagship national team, the sport’s biggest enemy is the guy in the mirror, not Roger Goodell.

Not content to let an off-season of goodwill built by the Cubs’ World Series victory and astoundingly successful World Baseball Classic culminate in a flawless opening week, the league promptly let the weather smack it around.

Precipitation delayed two of three games in Chicago between the White Sox and Detroit Tigers this week. Rain-related reasons forced a reschedule of one St. Louis Cardinals-Chicago Cubs match up under the Arch and pissed all over the ESPN opener Sunday night.

These postponements and soggy, cold affairs are suboptimal audience-building tactics in that the audience has nothing to watch when a rainout occurs. It’s also not really fun to attend games in the upper Midwest and northeast when you’re still tuned into lake-effect snow advisories.

The league should move all of its opening-week games—even just the first series of the year—to domed stadiums and warm-weather environments. There’s no good reason for San Diego’s Petco Stadium to stand empty while the Padres contest three with the Dodgers in Los Angeles as Rust Belt baseball fans freeze their asses off in uncovered parks.

By my count, 15 teams can host opening-series matchups without too great a threat of rain/snow-outs: Seattle, Oakland, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Anaheim, San Diego, Arizona, Texas, Houston, Tampa Bay, Miami, Atlanta, Washington, Toronto, Milwaukee.

There are 30 teams in MLB.

Everybody pair off with a warm friend and enjoy delay-free baseball to start the season.