Friday, September 22, 2017

Helfless

Don’t cry for Mark Helfrich’s imminent firing. Focus on the changes you need to make to be just like him. By Andrew J. Pridgen So it can be said, barring any minor miracle that involves a DeLorean careening 88 miles per hour on the rain-slicked pavement of the Lone Pine Mall parking lot, Oregon fans will no longer be exposed...

Helfrich in a handbasket

Like battering Oregon head coach Mark Helfrich on the message boards? Don’t get used to it. Big program frontmen don’t get much margin for error.  By Andrew Pridgen There’s a common misperception among the civilian ranks that football’s head coaches, especially on a collegiate level, have to be one part field general, one part molder of men and one part...

Are Oregon’s glow-in-the dark uniforms a show of narcissism or simply a cry for help?

A selfie of a Tron-inspired kit sparks debate online about the mental well-being of Oregon football uniforms. Psychologists analyze the fallout from the attention-grab. By Andrew Pridgen Seeking consumer and fan validation through colorful and interchangeable variants has been a hallmark of Oregon’s football uniforms for the majority of this century. Psychologists today warn the Oregon uniform’s increased need for validation combined...

East Coast blasé: How the College Football Playoff selection committee’s early bedtime has resulted in ZERO West Coast representation

The good thing about the BCS before it morphed into a #fourteamplayoff was at least the computer didn’t have to go to bed early/wasn’t too blacked out from the Mississippi State/Ole Miss tailgater to make somewhat lucid decisions not based on whether you say y’all unironically. By Andrew Pridgen Of the dozen College Football Playoff selection committee members only ONE has...

Rearranging the deckchairs aboard ESPN

The Network is sinking and parent company Disney is hoping to tap a ‘90s business model—and audience—to fix it. By Andrew J. Pridgen ESPN, the ubiquitous hotel-lobby-bar-on-mute sports delivery juggernaut that used to buoy Disney’s media empire is now a once-venerable anchor dragging the Mouse down. As subscribers continue to cut the cord, ESPN finds itself bereft of a viable business...

Revised: Baylor acceptance letter to potential female students

5/19/2016 1301 S. University Parks Drive Waco, TX 76798 Dear Brooke, We are writing to inform you, that after careful consideration of your credentials and the environment here at Baylor University, you are accepted to enroll in the Fall semester of 2016 and can expect to be raped sometime in the next four to five years. Go Bears! Your exemplary high school academic records--eight...

The Oregon Ducks will go 5-7 this season. Here’s how (and why)

Hint: It’s not just Mark Helfrich. Well, it’s mostly Helfrich...but not all Helfrich. By Andrew J. Pridgen Every civilization has its rise, apex, then demise. Unfortunately, for reasons he can’t 100-percent control or articulate, Oregon football coach Mark Helfrich will be the man fingered for destroying the Ducks’ unprecedented two-decade run to big-time college football prominence, and—perhaps more importantly for...

Hey Oregon football, never f*cking tell me what to wear again

#wearyourflannel By Andrew J. Pridgen Those who know me know one thing: I am sartorially challenged. To take down a wholesale inventory of my wardrobe is to read a normal person’s packing list for a three-day work trip: Two pair(s) of jeans, one for work, one for Friday/Saturday go-out (no, they don’t have white stitches.) Two business casual work shirts with various...

Oregonian beat writer is wrong: The Ducks are worthy

The Oregonian’s resident Duck expert Kevin Goe characterizes U of O’s football season as a disappointment with blood on the hands of its porous defense and an offense that uses lots of smoke and mirrors to hide its deficiencies. Statistics reveal a different story about how Oregon closed out its 2015 campaign. By Andrew Pridgen Nine wins a failure? Six straight...

Oregon hired its first black football coach. Why that’s important and why it shouldn’t be.

Willie Taggart, 40, is the first coach Oregon has hired from outside the program since 1976. The Ducks’ previous three coaches, Mike Bellotti, Chip Kelly and Mark Helfrich, were assistants who were promoted. His goal: Graduate students and be the first black coach to win a national championship. By Andrew J. Pridgen On July 12, 1991, I saw John Singleton’s...

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