Thursday, August 17, 2017

When you’re losing, new uniforms every week make you look the guy who just got dumped and is determined to get a new girlfriend like the first night he...

...And Washington State is just the beginning of this dry spell. By Andrew J. Pridgen Oregon Ducks football, the 2016 version is really, really, really, really fucking bad. Really bad. Mark Helfrich trolling the sidelines now perma-looks as if he went out to get one thing, like milk, from the store and runs into a buddy in the parking lot and they...

Now that Oregon football is totally ordinary is it OK to stop punishing the Earth (and our eyes) with alt jerseys every week?

The nadir came Saturday when the Ducks stepped all over themselves in Puddles-themed unis. ...It should end now, but if they insist on finishing out the season with disposable garments week in and week out, below are a few suggestions on how to do it in style. By Andrew J. Pridgen The Nike PR Department once said that Tiger Woods...

Pints and Picks Week 4: All the Big Sky and MACtion you’ve been waiting for without ever realizing it

Each week, during college football season DPB’s Kyle Magin and Andrew J. Pridgen pour on the prose with Pints and Picks™. Who to wager and (sometimes) what to drink while doing it. This week: #smallconferencesbigresults By Kyle Magin and Andrew J. Pridgen AJ, Do you remember the first time you saw a true running quarterback tuck it and go? I wasn’t old...

The Oregon Ducks will go 5-7 this season. Here’s how (and why)

Hint: It’s not just Mark Helfrich. Well, it’s mostly Helfrich...but not all Helfrich. By Andrew J. Pridgen Every civilization has its rise, apex, then demise. Unfortunately, for reasons he can’t 100-percent control or articulate, Oregon football coach Mark Helfrich will be the man fingered for destroying the Ducks’ unprecedented two-decade run to big-time college football prominence, and—perhaps more importantly for...

The Big 12 is STILL so stupid

Do you have a pulse, a checkbook, and college aspirations? Kansas wants you! Written By Kyle Magin We’re in the second year of our annual probably-not-totally accurate academic ranking of the power five college football conferences by acceptance rates: the percentage of high school applicants each university admits. Click here to see how schools ranked last year. I’m sensing a broken-record scenario here,...

Pints and Picks Week 1: College Football Kickoff 2016 has already gone to the dogs

Each week, during college football season DPB’s Kyle Magin and Andrew J. Pridgen pour on the prose with Pints and Picks™. Who to wager and (sometimes) what to drink while doing it. This week: #CFBkickoff: By Kyle Magin and Andrew J. Pridgen AJ, We’re here again, on the precipice of another college football season. Before we proceed to ND-Texas, Oklahoma-Houston or SC-Bama,...

Hey Oregon football, never f*cking tell me what to wear again

#wearyourflannel By Andrew J. Pridgen Those who know me know one thing: I am sartorially challenged. To take down a wholesale inventory of my wardrobe is to read a normal person’s packing list for a three-day work trip: Two pair(s) of jeans, one for work, one for Friday/Saturday go-out (no, they don’t have white stitches.) Two business casual work shirts with various...

Where is the outrage over USC AD Pat Haden’s sanctioned embezzlement?

...Are we that worn out by scandal that we can’t even bring ourselves to tweet about it? By Andrew J. Pridgen On the same day we learned that the presumptive Republican nominee for president’s campaign is as broke as his steak company, we find on the West Coast that USC athletic director Pat Haden similarly has been siphoning off money from...

Revised: Baylor acceptance letter to potential female students

5/19/2016 1301 S. University Parks Drive Waco, TX 76798 Dear Brooke, We are writing to inform you, that after careful consideration of your credentials and the environment here at Baylor University, you are accepted to enroll in the Fall semester of 2016 and can expect to be raped sometime in the next four to five years. Go Bears! Your exemplary high school academic records--eight...

Things a first-round pick should never say just after being selected to join the NFL

April 28, 2016 at 5 p.m. PST the NFL Network will broadcast its annual National Legalized Slave Auction Day. If you’re one of the lucky ones to get jumped into the league, here’s a primer of some thoughts you might just want to keep under that flat-billed hat at your first presser. By Andrew J. Pridgen The difference between playing college...

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