Thursday, October 19, 2017

Revised: Baylor acceptance letter to potential female students

5/19/2016 1301 S. University Parks Drive Waco, TX 76798 Dear Brooke, We are writing to inform you, that after careful consideration of your credentials and the environment here at Baylor University, you are accepted to enroll in the Fall semester of 2016 and can expect to be raped sometime in the next four to five years. Go Bears! Your exemplary high school academic records--eight...

Things a first-round pick should never say just after being selected to join the NFL

April 28, 2016 at 5 p.m. PST the NFL Network will broadcast its annual National Legalized Slave Auction Day. If you’re one of the lucky ones to get jumped into the league, here’s a primer of some thoughts you might just want to keep under that flat-billed hat at your first presser. By Andrew J. Pridgen The difference between playing college...

These college football coaches bathe in smarm

College Football’s moral high ground stands roughly 7 circles deep, which is apparently still tall enough to preach from. Written By Kyle Magin The college football recruiting game is a well-acknowledged cesspool. Hordes of assistants chasing a seven-figure head coaching contract head into some of America’s poorest neighborhoods to recruit its best athletes to beat the living shit out of one...

Not my College Football Championship

ESPN prepares for another the biggest rating’s disaster of this bowl season Monday, this time at the hands of the Deep South. By Andrew J. Pridgen Until about  8:18 p.m. PST New Year’s Eve 2015, my interest in this year’s four-team college football playoff could have been described as moderately bemused to waning: something between season three and beyond of...

Oregon to interview Atreyu and Falkor to replace Helfrich and Pellum

Hoping to exorcise the un-magic that happened in the second half of the Alamo Bowl, Oregon’s head coach and defensive coordinator search starts with a pair of trusted names. ...But it's not who you think. By Andrew Pridgen This offseason, the Oregon Ducks should not waste any time firing head coach Mark Helfrich and defensive coordinator Don Pellum and his pimp...

Oregonian beat writer is wrong: The Ducks are worthy

The Oregonian’s resident Duck expert Kevin Goe characterizes U of O’s football season as a disappointment with blood on the hands of its porous defense and an offense that uses lots of smoke and mirrors to hide its deficiencies. Statistics reveal a different story about how Oregon closed out its 2015 campaign. By Andrew Pridgen Nine wins a failure? Six straight...

Pints and Picks week 13: Rivalry Week is a bettor’s Black Friday

Each week, during college football season DPB’s Kyle Magin and Andrew J. Pridgen pour on the prose with Pints and Picks™. Who to wager and what to drink while doing it. This week: #rivalryweek: AJ, My neighbor is a big USC fan, owing to his upbringing. We frequently commiserate over college football while our dogs chase one another and sniff rear...

Cal hasn’t won the Big Game since the invention of Google Glass…will Saturday change that?

Stanford is 12-point (ok fine, 12.5) favorites on The Farm Saturday, but Cal has its best opportunity to take the Axe back to Berkeley this decade. Will they? By Andrew Pridgen The once 5-0 Bears are now 6-4 and losers of 4 of their last 5 hoping for that Vegas Bowl bid/late December matchup with Boise State. Stanford at 8-1 was...

The Pac-12 is too good for its own good

Nobody else is saying it, so I will: The Pac-12 is the best, most-dominant, rife with talent, toughest to win in consistently, not-ugh-this-game-fucking-sucks-and-glad-I-watched-all-sixty-minutes-for-it-to-be-10-3, disturbingly proficient at producing NFL-ready players conference in college football. And yet, after last weekend they’ve virtually been eliminated from post-season ‘tournament’ play. Why taking the Pac-12 out of the equation is like taking the ACC out...

East Coast blasé: How the College Football Playoff selection committee’s early bedtime has resulted in ZERO West Coast representation

The good thing about the BCS before it morphed into a #fourteamplayoff was at least the computer didn’t have to go to bed early/wasn’t too blacked out from the Mississippi State/Ole Miss tailgater to make somewhat lucid decisions not based on whether you say y’all unironically. By Andrew Pridgen Of the dozen College Football Playoff selection committee members only ONE has...