Friday, December 15, 2017

Oakland relieved of the Raiders

The NFL Monday OK’d the Raiders’ move to Vegas. The team will now morph into a 57-year-old divorcee who moves to Clark County to spend his 401k on Eastern Bloc hookers, slots and a burgeoning meth addiction ...only to be found dead a few months later in the jet tub of his Henderson town home. By Andrew J. Pridgen Let...

Phil Mickelson Poo Poos the Peasantry of San Diego

Phil Mickelson emerged from his La Jolla estate to stretch his man tits and admonish America’s Finest Plebeians for failing to properly cowtow. Written by Kyle Magin Hark! Lord Lefty Mickelson deigned to speak to the San Diego Union Tribune Thursday about the stupidity of his fellow San Diegans in letting the San Diego Chargers fly the coop for L.A. With...

Aaron Hernandez’s story is portrayed by NFL-friendly media as the demise and death of a bad seed …the rest of us ought to know better

Hernandez, 27, hung himself in prison this week. The narrative quickly spun to a young man predisposed to hanging with the wrong crowd who paid the ultimate price for his actions. The reality is his brain will be researched — and that will tell a different story. By Andrew J. Pridgen Shock would hardly be the word to use to describe...

Go get that ring Vernon

That crosswind you feel tickling your neck isn’t the shrill first breath of winter, it’s an exhale of exaltation from a man who was taken from his career depths up to a mile-high-and-beyond season of possibility. That man’s name is Vernon Davis.   By Andrew Pridgen As a former 49er faithful, I can’t wait for Vernon Davis to maul the Lombardi...

Tom Hanks just destroyed the NFL, the Raiders, Las Vegas …and the DH in under :30

I guess we can close up shop here. Our work is done. By Andrew J. Pridgen It’s easy to hate on Tom Hanks sometimes. He made me think it was OK hold forth with strangers on a bench while holding a really melty box of confections in my lap every time I’m held over south of the The Mason–Dixon line. He...

The five pillars of white privilege enjoyed by author Mitch Albom

This fucking guy...I might have to become the first person ever to burn Tuesdays with Morrie. By Andrew J. Pridgen Mitch Albom, author of children’s books for adults and surreptitious Trump supporter, is a fuckhead. Sorry, I know that sentence was terse and not very nice, but it is in words he’d understand. Albom quizzically weighed in on the growing number of New...

Detroit Lions Fans: You Should Quit, Too

Join the best to ever do it and quit the Lions, too Written By Kyle Magin Detroit Lions fans, famously, have been through this before. Watching a star walk away in the vicinity of the top of his game from a hapless team rather than play out the string with a hapless team. The variables--Barry Sanders in 1999 and Calvin ‘Megatron’ Johnson...

The U-T and 1090 Got Owned on the Chargers’ Move

Or, Why Being a Smarm Peddler Sucks Written by Kyle Magin The San Diego Chargers are set to formally announce (to little fanfare) they are leaving America’s Greatest (soon to be greater!) City for Los Angeles. This news was hysterically broken by ESPN, NOT the San Diego Union-Tribune or San Diego’s AM “The Mighty” 1090. //pauses to giggle hysterically and spike the football...

This year we’re giving San Francisco the greatest gift of all: Its 49ers back

Editor's Note: Each holiday season DPB tries to give a little back to the sports that have given us so much (to write about). Last year it was offering to buy a Candlestick Park urinal off the SF Recreation & Parks Department. This year, well, we're offering to buy the 49ers off the York family...and return them to The...

Let’s Be Very Clear: The Chargers are the NFL’s Problem, Not San Diego’s

The Chargers and their shill scribes are having a tough time accepting that if they want to stay in San Diego and make money in San Diego, they need to take the financial risk to make it happen. The problem is, that's counter to the narrative of all NFL owners. Written by Kyle Magin If the Chargers leave San Diego, that...