Wednesday, July 26, 2017

That’s So Bo

Like Homer abandoning Springfield in the Simpsons Movie, Bo Ryan is exiting college basketball with both middle fingers up in a less-than-heroic retreat. Written by Kyle Magin Bo Ryan has the most perfectly complementary personality/face combination in the history of college basketball, a sport Adolph Rupp’s tom turkey visage gobbled its way angrily through for decades. The former University of Wisconsin...

Denzel Valentine is Incomparable–Seriously, Don’t Try

Moving on to college hoops, this season's biggest story is Michigan State's senior point-forward-heir-to-the-throne Denzel Valentine. What's about to unfold over the next 90 days is a showcase of Valentine—both prototypical and atypical in comparison to the Spartan greats.  Written by Kyle Magin Denzel Valentine is a poor man’s Draymond Green and a soul-crushingly, Kirkland socks darning-ly broke man’s Magic Johnson. That’s...

Oregonian beat writer is wrong: The Ducks are worthy

The Oregonian’s resident Duck expert Kevin Goe characterizes U of O’s football season as a disappointment with blood on the hands of its porous defense and an offense that uses lots of smoke and mirrors to hide its deficiencies. Statistics reveal a different story about how Oregon closed out its 2015 campaign. By Andrew Pridgen Nine wins a failure? Six straight...

East Coast blasé: How the College Football Playoff selection committee’s early bedtime has resulted in ZERO West Coast representation

The good thing about the BCS before it morphed into a #fourteamplayoff was at least the computer didn’t have to go to bed early/wasn’t too blacked out from the Mississippi State/Ole Miss tailgater to make somewhat lucid decisions not based on whether you say y’all unironically. By Andrew Pridgen Of the dozen College Football Playoff selection committee members only ONE has...

Only one member of the Trojan family can fill that giant gaping hole at head coach—and that member is Will Ferrell

DPB obtained a leaked memo from USC president Max Nikias to AD Pat Haden via Apple Watch Monday afternoon re: potential head coach candidates for its football program. Most of the encrypted memo was translated from Greek using Google Translate and a menu, so apologies for the parts we had to fill in. By Andrew Pridgen TO: Patty H CC: Tommy Trojan FR:...

Helfrich in a handbasket

Like battering Oregon head coach Mark Helfrich on the message boards? Don’t get used to it. Big program frontmen don’t get much margin for error.  By Andrew Pridgen There’s a common misperception among the civilian ranks that football’s head coaches, especially on a collegiate level, have to be one part field general, one part molder of men and one part...

How it feels to be a Duck

It is the morning after Oregon’s worst home loss since the beginning of the Carter administration...and I couldn’t be more nostalgic or more proud. By Andrew Pridgen I first came to know the University of Oregon in the fall of 1993. I was a freshman in Eugene and those first 90 days between drop-off and Thanksgiving were as eventful and...

It’s 2 a.m. and Oregon Football is alone at the end of the bar

Oregon Football hasn’t yet fallen far enough to need a comeback. But the signs are there this evening has come to an end. By Andrew Pridgen Oregon Football is holding a foam-lined pint glass in one hand and its iPhone 5c in the other hovering over the far corner of New Max’s bar. He’s framed by a trio of groomed...

The Big 12 is so stupid

Did you go to college in Kansas? If so, how are you reading this right now? By Kyle Magin We compiled a probably-not-totally-accurate ranking of the power five college football conferences (full members only, but the ACC didn’t really need Notre Dame) by acceptance rates: the percentage of lazy high school applicants each U lets in. One thing stood out in our...

Why outrage over the Alabama Alpha Phi recruitment video sends mixed signals

-OR- When spamming, flaming trolls crucify you on message boards and your mother calls worried and your ex starts telling really bad and untrue stories about you on Facebook and your whole world collapses just because you thought you were doing what you were supposed to do. By Andrew Pridgen Here are some of the expectations we have of young...

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California Baseball Weekly: Seller Dwellers

Every week during the 2017 season, we’ll check in with California’s five MLB teams. Who’s up? Who’s down? Who has the cheapest ticket this...

Bettors be advised to take the Dodgers at 3-1 to win...

It’s as close to a sure thing as anything this side of the Russians interfering. By Andrew J. Pridgen There are no secrets left in...