Sunday, May 27, 2018

USFS officials are clearly ignoring the fact that they stumbled upon a mass murder scene at Lake Shasta

The 2016 Slaughterhouse Island massacre is second only to obscene data overages caused by Snapchat as a parent’s worst nightmare. By Andrew J. Pridgen The internets grew a new tail Tuesday from posted pictures of a University of Oregon outdoor school field trip turned deadly orgy of careless bottled water discarding on a spit of land called—ready—fucking Slaughterhouse Island at...

When you’re losing, new uniforms every week make you look the guy who just got dumped and is determined to get a new girlfriend like the first night he...

...And Washington State is just the beginning of this dry spell. By Andrew J. Pridgen Oregon Ducks football, the 2016 version is really, really, really, really fucking bad. Really bad. Mark Helfrich trolling the sidelines now perma-looks as if he went out to get one thing, like milk, from the store and runs into a buddy in the parking lot and they...

It’s 2 a.m. and Oregon Football is alone at the end of the bar

Oregon Football hasn’t yet fallen far enough to need a comeback. But the signs are there this evening has come to an end. By Andrew Pridgen Oregon Football is holding a foam-lined pint glass in one hand and its iPhone 5c in the other hovering over the far corner of New Max’s bar. He’s framed by a trio of groomed...

Hey Oregon football, never f*cking tell me what to wear again

#wearyourflannel By Andrew J. Pridgen Those who know me know one thing: I am sartorially challenged. To take down a wholesale inventory of my wardrobe is to read a normal person’s packing list for a three-day work trip: Two pair(s) of jeans, one for work, one for Friday/Saturday go-out (no, they don’t have white stitches.) Two business casual work shirts with various...

Oregon to interview Atreyu and Falkor to replace Helfrich and Pellum

Hoping to exorcise the un-magic that happened in the second half of the Alamo Bowl, Oregon’s head coach and defensive coordinator search starts with a pair of trusted names. ...But it's not who you think. By Andrew Pridgen This offseason, the Oregon Ducks should not waste any time firing head coach Mark Helfrich and defensive coordinator Don Pellum and his pimp...

Are Oregon’s glow-in-the dark uniforms a show of narcissism or simply a cry for help?

A selfie of a Tron-inspired kit sparks debate online about the mental well-being of Oregon football uniforms. Psychologists analyze the fallout from the attention-grab. By Andrew Pridgen Seeking consumer and fan validation through colorful and interchangeable variants has been a hallmark of Oregon’s football uniforms for the majority of this century. Psychologists today warn the Oregon uniform’s increased need for validation combined...

The Big 12 is STILL so stupid

Do you have a pulse, a checkbook, and college aspirations? Kansas wants you! Written By Kyle Magin We’re in the second year of our annual probably-not-totally accurate academic ranking of the power five college football conferences by acceptance rates: the percentage of high school applicants each university admits. Click here to see how schools ranked last year. I’m sensing a broken-record scenario here,...

Now that Oregon football is totally ordinary is it OK to stop punishing the Earth (and our eyes) with alt jerseys every week?

The nadir came Saturday when the Ducks stepped all over themselves in Puddles-themed unis. ...It should end now, but if they insist on finishing out the season with disposable garments week in and week out, below are a few suggestions on how to do it in style. By Andrew J. Pridgen The Nike PR Department once said that Tiger Woods...

Why it’s OK for Oregon fans to root for Washington Saturday

...This season is lost. The Ducks need to rebuild. And U-Dub is the lone team from this timezone to have a shot at the playoff... But those aren’t the only reasons for loyal Ducks to don some Dawg Pound gear this weekend. By Andrew J. Pridgen Forget, for a minute, about the last two decades. Forget about The Pick. Never happened. The...

Pints and Picks Week 6: Betting PAC-12, Mountain West, MLB Playoffs and searching the skies above and the beers below for answers

Each week, during college football season DPB’s Kyle Magin and Andrew J. Pridgen pour on the prose with Pints and Picks™. Who to wager and (sometimes) what to drink while doing it. This week: #ican'tbelievehereallysaidgrabthembythep*ssy By Kyle Magin and Andrew J. Pridgen Hey Kyle, Well, it took 11 innings Tuesday night, but I finally caught it… no, it’s not just MLB Playoff...