Friday, December 15, 2017

It’s 2 a.m. and Oregon Football is alone at the end of the bar

Oregon Football hasn’t yet fallen far enough to need a comeback. But the signs are there this evening has come to an end. By Andrew Pridgen Oregon Football is holding a foam-lined pint glass in one hand and its iPhone 5c in the other hovering over the far corner of New Max’s bar. He’s framed by a trio of groomed...

When you’re losing, new uniforms every week make you look the guy who just got dumped and is determined to get a new girlfriend like the first night he...

...And Washington State is just the beginning of this dry spell. By Andrew J. Pridgen Oregon Ducks football, the 2016 version is really, really, really, really fucking bad. Really bad. Mark Helfrich trolling the sidelines now perma-looks as if he went out to get one thing, like milk, from the store and runs into a buddy in the parking lot and they...

Helfrich in a handbasket

Like battering Oregon head coach Mark Helfrich on the message boards? Don’t get used to it. Big program frontmen don’t get much margin for error.  By Andrew Pridgen There’s a common misperception among the civilian ranks that football’s head coaches, especially on a collegiate level, have to be one part field general, one part molder of men and one part...

To rebuild, Oregon (football) needs to get weird again

Nike, once a counter culture brand, and Oregon, once a counterculture school, need to go back to their roots in radicalism to be relevant again. By Andrew J. Pridgen Over the past two decades I’ve marveled at how the culture of Oregon football has morphed to become the opposite of Eugene and the namesake state. The University of Oregon, in...

Oregon Football Isn’t Just Bad, It’s Boring

...But that’s not even the worst part. By Andrew J. Pridgen By the second half of Saturday’s Oregon/USC game, I was on to other things. This isn’t easy for me to admit, nor is it something I am particularly proud of. Ever since I’ve been writing about Ducks Football in this space, one of my constant harangues has been decrying the thin-skinnedness...

Helfless

Don’t cry for Mark Helfrich’s imminent firing. Focus on the changes you need to make to be just like him. By Andrew J. Pridgen So it can be said, barring any minor miracle that involves a DeLorean careening 88 miles per hour on the rain-slicked pavement of the Lone Pine Mall parking lot, Oregon fans will no longer be exposed...

Are Oregon’s glow-in-the dark uniforms a show of narcissism or simply a cry for help?

A selfie of a Tron-inspired kit sparks debate online about the mental well-being of Oregon football uniforms. Psychologists analyze the fallout from the attention-grab. By Andrew Pridgen Seeking consumer and fan validation through colorful and interchangeable variants has been a hallmark of Oregon’s football uniforms for the majority of this century. Psychologists today warn the Oregon uniform’s increased need for validation combined...

The Big 12 is STILL so stupid

Do you have a pulse, a checkbook, and college aspirations? Kansas wants you! Written By Kyle Magin We’re in the second year of our annual probably-not-totally accurate academic ranking of the power five college football conferences by acceptance rates: the percentage of high school applicants each university admits. Click here to see how schools ranked last year. I’m sensing a broken-record scenario here,...

Now that Oregon football is totally ordinary is it OK to stop punishing the Earth (and our eyes) with alt jerseys every week?

The nadir came Saturday when the Ducks stepped all over themselves in Puddles-themed unis. ...It should end now, but if they insist on finishing out the season with disposable garments week in and week out, below are a few suggestions on how to do it in style. By Andrew J. Pridgen The Nike PR Department once said that Tiger Woods...

USFS officials are clearly ignoring the fact that they stumbled upon a mass murder scene at Lake Shasta

The 2016 Slaughterhouse Island massacre is second only to obscene data overages caused by Snapchat as a parent’s worst nightmare. By Andrew J. Pridgen The internets grew a new tail Tuesday from posted pictures of a University of Oregon outdoor school field trip turned deadly orgy of careless bottled water discarding on a spit of land called—ready—fucking Slaughterhouse Island at...