Thursday, November 23, 2017

Sending thoughts and prayers to the victims of this past Labor Day Weekend

Thoughts and prayers to the member of the group who got blamed for having the idea of wanting to go to sushi. By Andrew J. Pridgen Thoughts and prayers to those who had enough to drink to make a hammock seem like a good idea. Thoughts and prayers to the couple who said things they can’t take back during a shouting match...

Cancel these Olympics! An Oral History of all that is awful with the Games Part I: The 20th Century

Part 1 of 2: Every four years, some city with a bankruptcy wish hosts a Summer Olympics, usually successfully! Every four years, somebody says it’ll fail or won’t be ready in time and should be boycotted, postponed, cancelled or moved. Written by Kyle Magin This summer, the Zika virus and impending collapse of Brazil’s political system are conspiring to join previous...

America is standing at the altar about to say ‘I do’ to her abuser

...And nobody seems willing or able to object. By Andrew J. Pridgen Less than two years ago, America started dating an asshole. Nobody really said anything. Some of her friends thought it was kind of funny, that he was kind of funny. Either way, it wouldn’t last. He was loud and obnoxious and said all the wrong things and did all the...

How the fuck is school starting already?

Ed’s note: Usually we try to keep the venting amongst the staff, but summer is pissed. By Summer (as told to Andrew Pridgen) Hi, Summer here. What up yo? What the fuck fuckfaces. You remember me? How bout some reminders: Smell of fresh lawn cuttings, some vague memory of tire swings, lemonade stands, baseball games, burnt hot dogs, slow-motion running through the sprinklers,...

The things we learn from the people who are gone

On May 29, 2011 in the Wardak province of Afghanistan, CPT Joseph W. Schultz’s humvee led a convoy in the central eastern part of the country. A roadside bomb detonated when his vehicle was in range and Joe, along with Staff Sergeant Martin Apolinar and Sergeant Aaron Blasjo, died instantly. By Andrew J. Pridgen Joe Schultz left this earth not by...

I’m scared to be an American

...and I'm not the only one. By Andrew J. Pridgen I read last week that the first newspaper I worked for, the Contra Costa Times, is folding. This came as no surprise to me. My first beat was reporting for a handful of weeklies under that paper’s umbrella in the late-1990s with a bunch of other aspirational Woodwards and Bernsteins, or...

Old Dude is Still Figuring out Facebook, Blows Up Horndog Fest for Julia Mancuso

This week's social media equivalent of someone 'introducing' you to Modest Mouse. By Kyle Magin People who are sincere on social media are the best. A typically fun/sexy/I-live-in-sunny-perfect-places Facebook post from World Cup skier Julia Mancuso of she and bestie/rad snowboarder Hannah Teter paddleboarding in bikinis on Lake Tahoe this week produced this particular comment thread: https://www.facebook.com/JuliaMancusoUSA/photos/a.10151613204437693.1073741826.131459577692/10152906345252693/?type=1&comment_id=10152906353447693&offset=0&total_comments=124&comment_tracking={%22tn%22%3A%22R3%22} Robert Dwyer Perfect butt! ! Like ·...

Sunday Morning in America

The news says 50 people were killed by a bad guy with a gun at a gay club in Orlando last night. Pass the toast. Written by Kyle Magin Blame the guns. 20. No, 23. No, 50. And, 42 hurt. No, 53. Listen, just keep fucking hitting refresh. Blame poor mental health care. Post that Mr. Rogers quote about looking for the...

This (New Year’s) resolution will not be televised: The migration of the drowning butterfly

DPB editor Kyle Magin tried to swim a 200-meter butterfly to kick off 2016. These are his hazy, guy-with-cardiac-problems-during-a-stress-test recollections. Written by Kyle Magin 0-25 meters The butterfly was created by some Australians in the 1930s who wanted to make the breaststroke faster. At first it was actually swum with its arm motion and the breaststroke kick, which seems like a solving...

Death of the Press Box’s 16 biggest posts of 2016

It was the worst of times and then times got fucking worse. By Andrew J. Pridgen and Kyle Magin In hindsight we might think about how cute and quaint our complaints of this year really were with no world wars, no internment camps, no jailings of dissenters and not having to say sentences like, “I can’t believe they bombed my Starbucks...