Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Republican Convention: Actual overheards from the RNC floor

...As transcribed from actual sentence fragments. By Andrew J. Pridgen “Everyone gather on the floor at approximately 6:45 p.m. we’re going to stage the largest type 2 diabetes flash mob in history!” “When Larry the Cable Guy is Secretary of State there’s NO WAY another Benghazi is going to happen...especially with that giant slingshot of his.” “Not sure what’s next on the agenda...but...

A Trump presidency: The first 100 days

How bad could it be? By Andrew J. Pridgen Day 3: Follow-up son Eric ODs on “a bunch of blow and other stuff” according to the White House press corps. while watching all five seasons of Ally McBeal in reverse order to see the plot unfold as it was intended (the subtext is Calista Flockhart is a kind of female Dorian...

There is a traitor among the GOP’s ranks and he’s about to become the party’s spokesman

Media orgs are starting to drop the RNC because of its presumptive candidate. The House Speaker admonishes him...but when is someone going to bring up the (dead) elephant in the room? By Andrew J. Pridgen BuzzFeed took a break from posting pictures of hipster food and stubborn cats and assigning astronomical fake values to Disney VHS cassettes to dump the Republican...

Unfit

After watching his Ohio pep rally on Thursday, I could not help but ponder the absence of physical and mental well-being of our current president-elect and the reflection of that decrepitude in every member of his flock. By Andrew J. Pridgen Donald J. Trump is showing signs, many, that he has a combination of the following: Some serious learning and/or...

The first 10 days have been the worst 10 days in American political history

Trump’s first 10 days in office that have already resulted in three major protests as well as a constitutional crisis. Below, we attempt to recap the unthinkable by day. By Andrew J Pridgen Day 1: Steve Bannon and the writers of The Dark Knight Rises penned Donald J. Trump’s inauguration speech... https://twitter.com/bubbaprog/status/822495850899374080?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw ...which he wanted to model after Andrew Jackson’s inauguration address. Old...

It’s up to you Utah to do the right thing on Election Day

Save your state. Save the world. By Andrew J. Pridgen My favorite Mormon joke goes a little something like this: Q: Why do you always take two Mormons fishing? A: Because just one will drink all your beer. I had the rare privilege of living in Utah for a few years at the beginning of this decade, both in Park City and Salt...

Why House Democrats’ ultimate troll would be to vote in Trumpcare

If it didn’t mean the certain deaths of millions of Americans, this bill would be the perfect piece of rope for the Trump Administration and the GOP to hang itself by for election cycles to come. By Andrew J. Pridgen The GOP, front-row hecklers for the last eight years, have had seven trips around the sun to come up with...

The Fading Light of American Optimism

For almost two-and-a-half centuries we have been the country of can-do. Get knocked down? Get right back up and fight. Now our greatest battle is against one of our own. By Andrew J. Pridgen The thing that has struck me most about this new administration and this almost two-week waking nightmare we are currently in the midst of is whatever happened...

Cancel these Olympics! An Oral History of all that is awful with the Games Part 2: The 21st Century

Part 2 of 2: Every four years, some city with a bankruptcy wish hosts a Summer Olympics, usually successfully! Every four years, somebody says it’ll fail or won’t be ready in time and should be boycotted, postponed, cancelled or moved. Click here to read Part 1. Written by Kyle Magin This summer, the Zika virus and impending collapse of Brazil’s political system...

The five pillars of white privilege enjoyed by author Mitch Albom

This fucking guy...I might have to become the first person ever to burn Tuesdays with Morrie. By Andrew J. Pridgen Mitch Albom, author of children’s books for adults and surreptitious Trump supporter, is a fuckhead. Sorry, I know that sentence was terse and not very nice, but it is in words he’d understand. Albom quizzically weighed in on the growing number of New...