Monday, August 21, 2017

A Trump presidency: The first 100 days

How bad could it be? By Andrew J. Pridgen Day 3: Follow-up son Eric ODs on “a bunch of blow and other stuff” according to the White House press corps. while watching all five seasons of Ally McBeal in reverse order to see the plot unfold as it was intended (the subtext is Calista Flockhart is a kind of female Dorian...

Chelsea Handler’s Netflix talk show may have something …and no, it’s not a STD

Bad reviews, her executive producer's dismissal and documenting the first time Tony Hale and Bill Hader have ever not been funny on camera notwithstanding… Handler is learning episode by episode how to bring the talk show into this century. By Andrew J. Pridgen Chelsea Handler’s Netflix talk show comes off not as important as it is self-important. Though her directives are...

Revised: Baylor acceptance letter to potential female students

5/19/2016 1301 S. University Parks Drive Waco, TX 76798 Dear Brooke, We are writing to inform you, that after careful consideration of your credentials and the environment here at Baylor University, you are accepted to enroll in the Fall semester of 2016 and can expect to be raped sometime in the next four to five years. Go Bears! Your exemplary high school academic records--eight...

My brief and torrid love affair with the iPhone 6s

We all love our handheld devices. Some a little more than others. By Andrew Pridgen Me: Hey. iPhone 6s: Hey Me: How’s it? iPhone 6s: Good. U? Me: Good. iPhone 6s: … Me: Sorry. I’m kinda new at this. lol. iPhone 6s: Don’t worry. I get it. Me: So, um. How does this work? iPhone 6s: ...Wow. No small talk? Me: I know what I want. iPhone 6s: Sounds like it. Me: So,...

What NFL transgression will finally force me to stop watching for good?

The first last straw came early last season when tape surfaced of Ray Rice knocking his fiancé out like Debo in an elevator. On Sept. 9, 2014, I gave up the NFL and its sponsors for good. Well, kind of for good. Knowing full well that I could only avoid the NFL like a Smurf does Gargamel for so...

Why outrage over the Alabama Alpha Phi recruitment video sends mixed signals

-OR- When spamming, flaming trolls crucify you on message boards and your mother calls worried and your ex starts telling really bad and untrue stories about you on Facebook and your whole world collapses just because you thought you were doing what you were supposed to do. By Andrew Pridgen Here are some of the expectations we have of young...

Why white people taking engagement photos in front of places where white people used to work signals the end of capitalism and life as we know it

We unapologetically telegraphed our demise to one another and did it with a smile and a chalkboard. By Andrew Pridgen Capitalism is over. The experiment is done. It failed. It not only failed for the masses it was supposed to fail for, but it is now failing for an ever-growing number of the few it was supposed to benefit. But we...

Coping with the unshareable vacation

It’s a tree-falls-in-the-woods-type problem I have: If you’re on vacation but aren’t posting on Facebook, is it really a vacation? By Andrew Pridgen I’ve diagnosed myself with a new syndrome, it’s called: Vacation Association Perception Inferiority Disorder, or VAPID for short. I’m pretty sure millions of Americans suffer in silence and I’m hoping they make a pill for it and call...

The worst day of my life was spent wine tasting

The life and near-death experience of a day spent among the vines By Andrew Pridgen It sounded like such a good idea. It’s someone’s odd-numbered-year birthday. There’ll be a limo-van thingy. Girls in unnecessary boots. Guys in unnecessary scarves. We’ll order lunch off a chalkboard that’s made in a truck. Day drinking! A group photo-op on the lawn while blurry bocce...

What did you do with your life by 27? Here’s what Jonathan Toews has done

Chicago Blackhawks Captain and center Jonathan Toews just raised his third Stanley Cup in five years this week. He was born in 1988 and is probably the world's most accomplished athlete.   Let's compare what he was doing at the ages leading up to his 27th year to what you were doing: 0-16 • Toews: Learned to wipe, talk, skate, skate backwards, score at...

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California Baseball Weekly: Still Standing

Every week during the 2017 season, we’ll check in with California’s five MLB teams. Who’s up? Who’s down? Who has the cheapest ticket this...