Tuesday, June 27, 2017

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell: How I make $44 million a year running a nonprofit

(applause) Thank you. Thank you. My name is Roger Goodell and I work to promote the most lucrative publicly funded scam of this century. I run the National Football League. (applause) I have to tell you, I love being here. I feel energized and excited. Who's excited? Who is ready to get excited today? I'll tell you who's excited. Well, one person I...

To the surprise of few, today’s column declares ‘I’m gay’

Until yesterday, today's column was to be known as just another commentary on how desperately hard the NFL tries to stay in the headlines during its offseason especially when overshadowed by the specter of the Winter Olympics set in a seaside community where the weather is 60 degrees and sunny and the whole thing is overseen by a scowling...

Carmel-by-the-Sea is the AT&T’s real celebrity

...Especially with no Bill Murray. Carmel, California Editor's Note: This week is the AT&T Pro-am. For some it's still the Crosby, and Jack Lemmon never did make the cut. For others, it's a chance to catch up how the other half live now that the other half is the other .5 percent. For DPB, it's a chance to simply see the...

The best Super Bowl party prop bets ever

We KNOW you're Super bored of the Super Bowl "square game", so we've come up with a list of Super Bowl prop bets you can make at your own Super Bowl party.* Number of drunk guys calling out "Omaha" back at the TV every time Peyton Manning does in the first quarter: Over/under 5 1/2 Number of guests who laugh the first...

Why Mavericks is the single-greatest sporting event of our time

Forget about waiting two weeks to see what homespun Doritos ads made the Super Bowl cut. Ignore the dearth of joy in sport that is the NBA regular season half-timing it up and down the court under the weight of giant contracts. Stop ruminating about how a four-team playoff is actually going to be better than, well, nothing (because...

How Richard Sherman may someday save the world

Seattle Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman* is very good at knocking footballs out of the air and toward the ground. As if by magic — and in a seemingly singular motion — he can jump up, touch a football, and change its trajectory. This can result in one of three things happening: 1) The ball can fall directly to the ground...

49er coach Harbaugh gets a date with his Manemy

The following column originally posted just after the 49ers Nov. 17 loss to the New Orleans Saints. The red and gold went on to win eight straight to set a date Sunday with division rival Seattle. Then, as now, we called for a Harbaugh/Carroll match-up to exercise the demon both men have — which is, the other. 49er head coach...

Deconstructing Peyton

In the pre-dusk hours of his career, Peyton Manning doesn't play like the NFL would want you to imagine him playing. They can't really do that camera-panning-from-the-feet-up thing. That resting-for-a-moment-on-his-chest-of-armor-before-caressing-his-jutted-out-jaw thing. The-slow-motion-dragon-snorts-of-cold-air-from-his-nostrils-and-mouth thing. The most-exciting-thing-he's-done-this-season-is-sneak-a-late-night-turkey-club-up-the-hotel's-back-stairs thing. Though still in the top twenty pocket change jinglers of NFL'ers, he's got the dwindling endorsement deals of a retired catcher, relegated to obsolete...

Fan overheards from the 2014 NFL Playoffs

Perhaps more than any other professional sport's postseason, the NFL playoffs draw out the best (or best of the worst) in folks' common sense, especially when it comes to matters of the heart (their team). And here's what some are saying …from the heart. Thank you to all who've sent me "overheads" in the comments link of this site....

A Rod denies any ties to Mafia or Cosa Nostra in statement released after season-long suspension

Saturday, the New York Yankees lost services of their .244-hitting third baseman Alex Rodriguez who has been suspended for the entire 2014 season by arbitrator Fredric Horowitz. Horowitz, after levying punishment, mentioned to A-Rod he knows a jeweler who will take anything off his hands at a fair price. By Andrew Pridgen Alex Rodriguez, the soon-to-be-39-year-old infielder, will serve a 162-game...

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