Friday, November 17, 2017

Who will land The Shark?

Today, you’re Jeff Samardzija, the Chicago Cubs hurler and former Notre Dame wide receiver. For you ladies, that means a host of changes and probably a better haircut. For fellas, that means you got markedly uglier in the estimation of everyone who doesn’t live within 40 miles of Lake Michigan’s southern shoreline. You’re now a stellar athlete who’s become a fantastic...

This summer’s 4 must-see sports movies

Awwww yeah, here we go — it's summer sports movie time 2014 edition! (!!!) Summer sports movies usually happen starting right about now, in the summertime. They feature people you often recognize from TV but doing stuff you don't recognize like giving long speeches and trying not to smile. There's no smiling until the end of summer sports movies. Summer sports...

As Michael Sam’s place in history is assured, our handling of it is not so reassuring

A half-century from now when a period piece comes out chronicling life in the insular mid-teens by some third- or fourth-generation Coppola (working title: When Nobody Gave a Fuckica), an individual's sexuality as a touchstone will be lampooned front and center; a showcase of extravagance and a fixation on private lives as reflection of outdated cultural and social norms....

Sorry Mr. Jackson detractors, the NBA elite is for real

Newly minted former Golden State Warriors head coach Mark Jackson won't be unemployed long enough to get his EDD paperwork filed. This very morning he's likely noshing on a breakfast sandwich and waiting for a fax to take his talents to Staples or home again to MSG from Jerry Maguire's oceanfront condo in Newport Beach as Jonathan Lipnicki spits...

Jim Delany takes his pimp game to the Beltway

I understand that Big Ten hoops are a big business. The men’s iteration of the sport more or less carries a TV network on its own in addition to providing compelling, well-rated content for ESPN, CBS and anybody else who pays Conference Commissioner/mustaches-as-eyebrows enthusiast Jim Delany’s bulbous contract. It only makes sense that conference and TV executives are openly floating the...

The NFL is afraid to draft a genius

On Nov. 9, 2013 Johnny Manziel, a boy-man just beyond the verge of stardom yet still reluctant enough to linger at the threshold of his own adolescence, threw his final touchdown pass at home wearing the maroon and white of a Texas A&M Aggie. The pass was hucked off his back foot and on the run. The ball discharged...

May is Money, not a legend

I won’t ever pilot an X-Wing. By Kyle Magin My Star Wars fantasy is relevant, so bear with. I’m never going to join Red Squadron in an attack on the Death Star. Luke Skywalker will never throw me a bro nod at an awards ceremony. I’ve made my peace with that. Floyd Mayweather Jr. needs to do the same with his desire to be remembered...

Donald Sterling so much more than just racist

Embattled Clippers owner Donald Sterling is not just racist. The operative word being just. He is racist and a whole lot of individual and societal bad things more all hiding behind a melted Mickey Rourke mask. Sterling, 81, who is currently under investigation by the NBA for racist remarks recently released from a recorded conversation with his girlfriend V....

The South Side Secret

Chicago White Sox captain Paul Konerko appears to be as recognizable to baseball fans as Roger Waters is to One Direction fans. As Derek Jeter conducts his farewell tour to pomp and fanfare, packing the stands in the home parks of traditional rivals like the …Houston Astros… Konerko plays out the string in the witness protection program that is his...

The difference between NBA preseason and playoff games is there’s more commercials

Had Monday's second division round playoff match-up between the Golden State Warriors and host Los Angeles Clippers of LA at the Lakers' downtown practice facility been a pre-season walk-through, a recap could have gone something like this: Clippers' Kia-jumping side show Blake Griffin can certainly sell jerseys to children who imagine he could paint himself green and make a pretty...