The best Super Bowl party prop bets ever

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We KNOW you’re Super bored of the Super Bowl “square game”, so we’ve come up with a list of Super Bowl prop bets you can make at your own Super Bowl party.*

Number of drunk guys calling out “Omaha” back at the TV every time Peyton Manning does in the first quarter:
Over/under 5 1/2

Number of guests who laugh the first time they do this:
Over/under 8

Number of guests who still find it funny by the third quarter:
Over/under 1/2

Will the seven-layer dip last past kickoff (minus the gross, drippy corner nobody touches)?
Yes +300
No -500

Number of times Joe Buck uses the word “inappropriate”:
Over/under 15

Number of times it’s actually inappropriate for him to be using the word inappropriate:
Over/under 15

Will Joe Buck refer to Russell Wilson as being “of mixed race”?
Yes +680
No -425

Will he then stumble over another sentence or two before subconsciously sending it over to Pam Oliver?
Yes +550
No -335

Will Joe Buck make a clever reference to the marijuana-friendly laws of the Seahawks’ and Broncos’ home states by saying something subversive like, “I’m sure there are a lot of Pot Luck parties going on in Denver and Seattle today” or “The game’s an eighth of the way through which means most of Washington and Colorado are watching a blacklight poster instead and trying figure out how to order pizza.”:
Yes +420
No -420

Number of times Joe Buck believes “that should’ve been a flag for unsportsmanlike”:
Over/under 28

Number of times Joe Buck says “weather is a factor” in spite of the fact that weather is not a factor:
Over/under 37

Number of times Joe Buck refers to the Manning family with the same reverence as an Irish Catholic mother of three would the Kennedys in 1965:
Over/under 5

Will Joe Buck say something vaguely racist and condescending but revelatory in his mind in reference to Marshawn Lynch and Richard Sherman like, “They grew up in neighborhoods where gang activity was rampant and even bars on the windows couldn’t keep trouble out.”
Yes +975
No -90

Will Erin Andrews have her ears covered regardless of the weather:
Yes +1,280
No -900

Will Peyton Manning take all the stickers off his Super Bowl Champion hat and bend the bill before putting it on:
Yes +800
No -600

Will your neighbor come over to “borrow some ice”:
Yes +300
No -200

If so, will he end up staying for the duration of the game and drink your beer and maybe try to flirt with your cousin’s friend that you were maybe supposed to talk to?
Yes +800
No -600

Will someone accidentally knock the remote to Diners, Drive-ins and Dives during the third quarter?
Yes +250
No -180

Will everyone be OK with it staying on for a segment, because, you know, Philly Cheesesteaks:
Yes +250
No -180

Will MTV’s Kennedy or Pauly Shore be mentioned?
Yes +.000000560
No -11,987,383

“All I know is their cheerleaders have chaps.” Does this convince the room to root for the Broncos?
Yes +850
No -215

How many times will ADD guy try to get a game of corn hole, flip cup or beer pong going on the patio?
Over/under 15

Will the guac brought by the coworker you invited because he overheard but didn’t think he’d show up taste a little funny?
Yes +500
No -180

Will everyone say “this guac is great’ anyway?
Yes +250
No -180

Number of times Vizio and Costco get said in the same sentence during the party:
Over/under 15

Will your drunk uncle refer to Bruno Mars as a she?
Yes +250
No -180

Ditto Anthony Kiedis:
Yes +370
No -135

Will someone ask why Will Ferrell is drumming for the Red Hot Chili Peppers
Yes +140
No -120

“If I was doing halftime, first thing David Lee Roth vs Hagar — everyone would watch that!” Whole party nods and takes a sip in agreement:
Yes +550
No -375

Will any of the broadcast crew have bare hands?
Yes +250
No -180

Number of times someone at your party asks “Where are they playing this again?”
Over/under 15

Number of times someone at your party follows that question: “And is it outdoors?”
Over/under 15

Number of times one of the women at the party mentions Beyonce’s performance last year:
Over/under 12

Number of times one of the men at the party mentions Beyonce’s performance last year:
Over/under 20

Average number of red vines consumed from the red vine bucket by halftime:
Over/under 47

Average number of flu strains in the red vine bucket by halftime:
Over/under 7

Number of times some kind of sideline warming device is profiled or otherwise interviewed:
Over/under 3

Number of people who ponder aloud whether Evel Kenievel ever did a Super Bowl halftime:
Over/under 1 (I always pose this question, so, there you go.)

Number of guests who reminisce over the Bud Bowl or when Go Daddy “actually had hot chicks” in their ads:
Over/under 4

Will your mailbox still be standing on Monday?
Yes +250
No -180

*Yes, that’s three references to the Super Bowl, as in Super Bowl XLVIII (3:30 p.m. Sunday, Feb. 2 on Fox at MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey) because, you know …that’s what the $22 billion/year nonprofit supported by HGH-friendly drug testing policies calls it.

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