Just as things couldn’t get worse in Santa Clara, it appears Hans Gruber has taken over the press office.
From making bad draft picks, to misbegotten moves out of San Francisco to coaching decisions gone askance—the 49ers’ ownership and front office can’t seem to do anything right.
Add writing coach-firing press releases to that list.
The announcement that the organization was firing head coach Jim Tomsula came out sounding more like the team was a maniacal movie villain sending the mustachioed one to an early grave.
Jim Tomsula has been relieved of his head coaching duties.
Relieved of his head coaching duties? Why not open with, “49ers fans, Jim Tomsula won’t be bothering you anymore.”
…Followed by the smiling-face-with-horns emoji. 😈
After that, whomever wrote Jed York’s quote refers to Tomsula by his fifth-grade nickname: Jimmy has been a valuable member of the 49ers organization for the last nine years, the person in the press office who will also be relieved of his duties tomorrow wrote.
How do we know for sure bad guy York killed Tomsula? A eulogy follows: We all know he is a man of high character, and his contributions on the field and in our community have always been greatly appreciated. This entire organization is proud and grateful to have worked so closely alongside Jimmy.
Cue Whiter Shade of Pale.
Then, as if the announcement couldn’t get any more ominous, a Levi’s® plug comes at the end along with the announcement of a press conference nobody wants to attend about a matter nobody cares about delivered by the person nobody can stand:
49ers Chief Executive Officer Jed York will personally address the matter at 10:30 a.m. Monday morning in the Levi’s® Stadium Auditorium.
Worthless. Unless, of course, York starts to give clues as to the whereabouts of Tomsula’s body and/or reveal his father is the Zodiac.
Jimmy T.—wherever he is, God rest his soul—may have gotten the last laugh.
Pre-game reports had the Yorks
disposing of the body of firing the NFL’s latest head coach casualty regardless of the season finale outcome vs. the Rams. Indeed, the end-of-the-Tomsula-era 49ers rallied to an overtime win to finish the season at 5-11—good for last place in the NFC West but tumbling down from the possible fourth to the seventh overall pick in April’s draft.