The Warriors don’t need to win tonight, not really. OK, maybe a little. Yeah. Um, the Warriors really need to f*cking win tonight.

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…They at least need to play with as much intensity as Radiohead.

By Andrew J. Pridgen

The campus radio station has been playing a lot of Dinosaur Jr. lately which means either I’m really cool or I’m really fucking old.

Speaking of really cool and really old, the new Radiohead sounds like either getting a cigarette burn when you’re wearing a turtleneck or the beginning of an intense newscast; or like when breaking news used to happen during A Charlie Brown Christmas when you were little and you thought it was going to be nuclear winter this holiday season because—Russians.

I think the Dubs should play it in the locker room tonight in Portland. After a weekend enjoying cereal donuts that look like anime and chocolate made with French Basque Chile grown by Viridian Farms and combined with a touch of flour de sel and 74% Cacao from Dominican Republic, plus a trip to the Sassafrass district—they could use a soupçon of intensity.

Warriors’ MC In-10z-Ty Draymond Green did some intense trash talking himself Saturday to chase away the Kachka vodka hangover when he said that the never-in-doubt game 3 Blazers’ 120-108 win on Friday was, for a portion, in doubt.

To quoth the prophet Green who doesn’t usually even give a tacit nod to losing with as much as a poo emoji said: “I could tell they had doubt.” …Which is kind of the sports post-game equivalent of a guy who says going to hook up with a girl posting up at the end of the bar eating sushi by herself and pushing light up things around on her phone screen but then her boyfriend (finally) returns from the bathroom (#💩) and when they leave together he revises what you said to it would have been on if she didn’t have a boyfriend.

In other words, his cred has to get up, dust itself off and learn to lean back on those Rollerblades to apply the brakes which are different than regular skate brakes because they’re mounted on the back, not front.

For his part, PDX point guard Damian Lillard, who doesn’t miss much, said, “There was never any doubt in our minds. Maybe he had to tell himself whatever he needed to tell himself. There was never any doubt. If there’s doubts, we don’t beat a championship team.” …Which is a good response, other than the fact that Draymond somehow got Lilliard to say doubt three times in four sentences—mission accomplished.

Green also said he was “awful defensively” game 3 which is like a Tesla apologizing for using fossil fuels for its tires. Nobody’s perfect.

Then he assured Golden State would win Monday.

Which wasn’t just an empty assurance. Like, they really need to. And Green & co. know it.

If they don’t win Monday, the Warriors will be tied with the Blazers at two and needing a pair of home wins in a pair of home games and/or one at home and one on the road. So if Monday swings Portland’s way the series suddenly changes to the Warriors as losers of two straight with three to go and a probable do-or-die at Oracle May 16—which would be really not good considering for quarters at a time Rip City has shown they’re the best team in the league against the best team in the league.

Getting greedy for those OAK-PDX Southwest miles notwithstanding, Green knows tonight it has to go down.

To refresh, a year ago tonight (yes, a Monday even) the Warriors were in Memphis during the second round down 2-1 to the upstart Grizzlies. They’d just come off a lackluster Game 3 performance on the road and a second loss in Memphis would leave the cake topper to Steph Curry’s 2015 MVP season in doubt.

The Warriors, the real Warriors—the ones you know as the eventual champions and the current best regular season team in NBA history—rose up after rookie coach Steve Kerr challenged them to ratchet up the intensity.

Back then it was Curry who called a now-legendary meet-up of the Warriors’ key set pieces to get it together while tucking into some Memphis-style barbecue on Beale Street whilst pointing out his favorite landmarks from The Firm (that’s the spot on the Memphis waterfront where Wilfred Brimley showed him pictures of him banging some chick in the sand)—then went ahead and marshaled them to victory on the road scoring 21 of his 33 points by halftime.

“Tonight we took a step towards understanding that sense of urgency and kind o competitiveness and physicality to the game,” Kerr said one year ago. “It was probably our most competitive effort, definitely of the series, but probably of the playoffs just in terms of understanding you got to play every second.”

^ If Kerr can cut and paste that quote and say it again with the same conviction tomorrow, there’ll be nothing to worry about. If not, nothing—perhaps not even Radiohead—can save the season.

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