1301 S. University Parks Drive
Waco, TX 76798
We are writing to inform you, that after careful consideration of your credentials and the environment here at Baylor University, you are accepted to enroll in the Fall semester of 2016 and can expect to be raped sometime in the next four to five years. Go Bears!
Your exemplary high school academic records–eight AP courses, a 4.05 GPA and excellence in the STEM field–combined with your extracurricular success–twice captain of your cross country AND track teams, leadership positions in student government and the French club, plus your work in community ballet–make you the perfect young woman to join the family here at Baylor University, where we’ll continue to instill the Christian values your parents passed down to you while systematically invalidating you as a young woman.
We know you’ll enjoy campus life here in Waco, walking under the magnolias alongside the Brazos, meeting friends you think you’ll cherish having for the rest of your life, then leaving mid-semester at some point because our football players have a habitual need to rape and we need our football program to be successful. We encourage you to report your impending rape, but please know we plan to do nothing about it, going to the point where we’ll leave your case file open for the duration of you rapist’s tenure here at BU so he can continue to lead Coach Briles’ Bunch to victory. We may ‘investigate’ your rape claim, but don’t expect to be interviewed during the ‘process’ or get any results at all.
A college education is probably something you’ve been looking forward to, and evidently working toward, your entire academic life. We loved when you shared with our counselor that your favorite stuffed animal as a child was a Baylor Bear from our gift shop, and how you told your daddy on the day of the Texas game in 2000 that you’d be a Bear some day. We can’t wait to show you that love in return–by protecting someone who willfully harms you because he’s more valuable to the cause than you and your tireless volunteerism, participation in even the lame facets of campus life, good grades and potential future donations can ever be.
Enclosed is a letter and stamped envelop for you to confirm that you’re bringing your estimable academic talents and vibrant personal life here to Baylor. Know that when you sign and seal that letter, you’re agreeing to join a community that cherishes football excellence above all else–your health, safety, mental well-being and rights as a recognized victim. If you agree to come to Baylor, you’re agreeing to uphold a Christian way of life and to be as cool as possible when one of our massive defensive linemen rapes you and we look the other way, refuse to filter information about your attack up the chain of command (you’ll learn about plausible deniability in pre-law) and continue to chase Cotton Bowl bids as you attempt to seek relief through the civil judicial system. Best of luck in your college decision–choosing where you’ll get raped is one of the biggest calls of your young life–and Go Bears!
Jessica King Gereghty,
Director of Admissions, Baylor University