The news says 50 people were killed by a bad guy with a gun at a gay club in Orlando last night. Pass the toast.

Written by Kyle Magin

Blame the guns. 20. No, 23. No, 50. And, 42 hurt. No, 53. Listen, just keep fucking hitting refresh.

Blame poor mental health care.

Post that Mr. Rogers quote about looking for the helpers. It pulls people back from the brink.

Blame Muslims.

Blame prominent anti-LGBTQ policymaking.

Post to social to let everyone know where your thoughts and prayers are.

Put a rainbow over your profile pic.

Tell everybody they need a gun–the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.

Give blood.

If somebody shoots at me, can I go hide in a store where they can refuse me service if they don’t like my sexual orientation? What are the laws in this state?

Defend Islam.

Share tweets from famous people saying the same stuff you say. Patton Oswalt will be comforting, or horrified in a way that’ll bring us all together.

Go to Church.

Talk to your kids about it.

Wait for the millionth presidential statement on the same tragedy.

Quantify it.

Be jaded and remind people that if nothing happened after babies were slaughtered in Newtown, nothing will happen now.

If I’m getting shot at, can I go to whichever bathroom or what’s the law in this state?

Love>hate. Right. Right?

Escape into a ballgame. Shullman will remind you before Peavy’s first pitch, and then probably let it be.

Big week coming up. Big weeks always coming up.

Sunday in America ends in y, like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

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