No, really. THANK YOU.

By Andrew J. Pridgen

Dear Trump Voter,

Thank you all you racists, misogynists, robber barons, opioid addicts, quasi-literates, out-of-the-closet white supremacists, feckless corporate shills, unsympathetic wretches who hide behind the veneer of Christianity, back-burner Boomers, Caucasian males who pretend to work and golf instead, college-educated mavens who try to model their lives after McMansion plantation owner Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side and willful back turners on truth, humility and concern for your fellow man and the planet for electing that seething pile of bacon grease, second-day-of-cold phlegm and Orange Crush.

Nearly 100 days in and he’s currently bareback slapping the backs of all four horses of the apocalypse with that scab- and boil-sprinkled ginormous white ass while his doing his best between tweaking his short game and posting factually vacant and grammar-bending tweets to launch humankind into the full-scale war to end all wars. I would say history will both reveal and revile you but this may well bring about the end of history. So no worries there.

Nice work on wrapping the whole human experiment up in dramatic and cataclysmic fashion as if it’s the real-life final season of The Leftovers. May the forthcoming munitions strikes that unclog your arteries with ionizing radiation clear your body and mind of worry as you and your vitriol evaporate in a dust cloud of destruction. And may your suffering be brief.


The rest of us

Andrew J. Pridgen writes for Goner Party and is the author of the novella “Burgundy Upholstery Sky”. His first full-length novel will be released in late-2017.


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