Thoughts and prayers to the member of the group who got blamed for having the idea of wanting to go to sushi.

By Andrew J. Pridgen

Thoughts and prayers to those who had enough to drink to make a hammock seem like a good idea.

Thoughts and prayers to the couple who said things they can’t take back during a shouting match over parallel parking.

Thoughts and prayers to the men and women who felt so alone they posted a picture of the temperature in their car.

Thoughts and prayers to the guy who asked his passengers if they wanted anything from inside the gas station mini-mart, received no response, and then got yelled at after coming back empty-handed.

Thoughts and prayers to the Old Navy backpack temporarily abandoned in front of the cinnamon roll/salt water taffy place and was called in as a bomb by a group of tourists from Fresno.

Thoughts and prayers to the occupant of the middle table who was caught in the chicken wing crossfire between a Texas A&M fan and a UCLA fan, neither of whom attended either school.

Thoughts and prayers to the friend from work who got stuck ordering the Uber.

Thoughts and prayers to the woman who stubbed her toe on the curb, howling and sobbing until her husband put his ice cream cone ice cream first on her foot in efforts to stop the bleeding as passersby took video.

Thoughts and prayers to the boyfriend who had to politely nod as his new girlfriend and her two friends from college decided to harmonize Landslide out on the deck at 2:21 a.m.

Thoughts and prayers to the bachelor party that bought one of those 160 oz. piña colada-filled plastic guitars on The Strip only to have it ruined three sips in by the guy who took it into the bathroom.

Thoughts and prayers to the divorcee who was doing well flirting with the 24-year-old server at the pool bar till she saw the barbed wire armband tattoo which carbon dated him to be roughly the age of her father.

Thoughts and prayers to the new cashier who didn’t know how to open the register drawer for change which prompted the lady ordering to say loud enough for everyone to hear, “Well, I guess you’re not getting a tip then.”

Thoughts and prayers to the dad in the Del Taco drive thru whose family started complaining that they wanted In-N-Out instead so he had to back out, forcing three other cars to back out too.

Thoughts and prayers to the second-to-last car in the back-out chain who hit the last car, technically making it his fault.

Thoughts and prayers to all the food and drinks whose pictures were taken and posted without their permission.

Thoughts and prayers to your cousin’s phone which was lost in the ocean after she got hit by a rogue wave trying to text the guy she met the night before to meet up at the beach.

Thoughts and prayers to the three families in the cabin that didn’t have wi-fi.

Thoughts and prayers to the newly engaged couple who received only 13 likes because their engagement selfie was posted Monday afternoon when everyone was sitting in traffic and pissed off.

Thoughts and prayers to all the teachers who dreamed it was May and woke up this morning to discover it was only the second week of school.

Thoughts and prayers to your car for being judged as a symbol of out-of-touch white-privilege corporate-sponsored hedonism as it rolls around caked in a layer of Burning Man dust.

Thoughts and prayers to all those giant inflatable swans, flamingos, dolphins and unicorns purchased ironically off Amazon a week ago, shoved into a crossover and abandoned on the beach. May you one day rejoin your flock in the Pacific Garbage Patch.

Andrew J. Pridgen writes for GonerParty.com and has a short book you should buy and read.

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