Every week during the 2017 season, we’ll check in with California’s five MLB teams. Who’s up? Who’s down? Who has the cheapest ticket this week and who will play in the best series? The Golden State is home to the best position player in baseball, the sport’s best pitcher, and the 25 not-last place ballers who play for the San Diego Padres.

Written by Kyle Magin

Best Record Last Week: Oakland Athletics, 6-0.

Worst Record Last Week: Anaheim Angels, 1-5.

Best Attendance (cumulative avg.): Los Angeles Dodgers, 46,428.

Worst Attendance (cumulative avg.): Athletics, 18,699.

Huell Howser Memorial ‘Is This Guy Serious!?’ Outstanding Performance Video:

We’ve criminally undercovered the A’s here, mainly because they’re 23.5 games out and haven’t strung together more than a handful of winning weeks. One thing that got lost in the malaise is the season Khris Davis has turned in. The 29-year old A’s slugger, who has 41 dingers this year, stepped firmly into his prime with an .846 OPS, and it looks pretty promising. His bomb on Sunday helped to bury the Texas Rangers and their last hope of a wild card spot.

Gob Bluth’s Huge Mistake of the Week:

There are no mistakes in life. Everything happens as it should. 99 times out of 100, the Angels get pounded by the Indians and Astros this week and are wiped from the face of the Earth like an anthill at the mercy of a small child. The universe proceeds as destiny dictates.

Cheapest Ticket This Week: $6 for Padres @ Giants, 9/29.

California Series to Watch: Los Angeles Dodgers @ Colorado Rockies, 9/29-10/1. The Dodgers are fine-tuning their playoff attack—Andre Ethier is getting meaningful at-bats, runners are getting pulled for pinch runners, etc.—and the Rockies are furiously trying to hold off two NL Central teams from their final wildcard spot. Optimization vs. Desperation.

Upcoming Games:

Athletics: 9/25-9/27 vs. Mariners, 9/28-10/1 @ Rangers.

Giants: 9/25-27 @ Diamondbacks, vs. Padres 9/29-10/1.

Dodgers: vs. Padres 9/25-27, @ Rockies 9/29-10/1.

Angels: 9/25-28 @ White Sox, 9/29-10/1 vs. Mariners.

Padres: @ Dodgers 9/25-27, @ Giants 9/29-10/1.

Home series in bold.

Editor’s note: Thank you @kmagin. Time to drape your paisley scarf over your lampshade, light a candle, spark a bone, sit back as the sun gurgles into the Pacific and reap the spoils of all that was and wasn’t this season, the season of our uncertainty. Truly masterclass.