Monday, April 23, 2018

A thank you to Trump voters as we arrive on the precipice of oblivion

No, really. THANK YOU. By Andrew J. Pridgen Dear Trump Voter, Thank you all you racists, misogynists, robber barons, opioid addicts, quasi-literates, out-of-the-closet white supremacists, feckless corporate shills, unsympathetic wretches who hide behind the veneer of Christianity, back-burner Boomers, Caucasian males who pretend to work and golf instead, college-educated mavens who try to model their lives after McMansion plantation owner Sandra...

A San Francisco Sup Bro 50 primer: The definitive guide on where to post yourself and your food and yourself with food this week in The City

An interlopers’ where-to pre-game besides near the pop-up ESPN studio at Fisherman’s Wharf. Where to admire the frisky and the young who have replaced generations for generations—gone in a short sleep. Where to see the people who refuse not to be seen as The City hugs its knees close to its chest and rocks itself to that final passage...

Phil Mickelson Poo Poos the Peasantry of San Diego

Phil Mickelson emerged from his La Jolla estate to stretch his man tits and admonish America’s Finest Plebeians for failing to properly cowtow. Written by Kyle Magin Hark! Lord Lefty Mickelson deigned to speak to the San Diego Union Tribune Thursday about the stupidity of his fellow San Diegans in letting the San Diego Chargers fly the coop for L.A. With...

Two weeks into our national nightmare and the world’s biggest threat to free societies is winning. Here’s what the media must do to stop him.

Band together, put in the mouthpiece, take a sip and spit in the bucket, remove the gloves and get ready to scrap like there’s no tomorrow — because there isn’t. By Andrew J. Pridgen The media cannot continue to cover Donald Trump’s reign as it would a normal president. If regular presidential protocol continues to be followed and observed, they...

Trump is pissed off that #GoldenShowers is a thing. But now we know the truth, that he’d much rather be pissed on

The president-elect becomes the living embodiment of the last few drips after you zip up. By Andrew J. Pridgen Not so many years ago, I defended the scandalized Tiger Woods’ right to have his personal matters kept private. Woods, before injuries and mental deterioration took him out of golf’s conversation, was his generation’s greatest athlete and ambassador. A stormy night in...

Things a first-round pick should never say just after being selected to join the NFL

April 28, 2016 at 5 p.m. PST the NFL Network will broadcast its annual National Legalized Slave Auction Day. If you’re one of the lucky ones to get jumped into the league, here’s a primer of some thoughts you might just want to keep under that flat-billed hat at your first presser. By Andrew J. Pridgen The difference between playing college...

Oregon to interview Atreyu and Falkor to replace Helfrich and Pellum

Hoping to exorcise the un-magic that happened in the second half of the Alamo Bowl, Oregon’s head coach and defensive coordinator search starts with a pair of trusted names. ...But it's not who you think. By Andrew Pridgen This offseason, the Oregon Ducks should not waste any time firing head coach Mark Helfrich and defensive coordinator Don Pellum and his pimp...

The five pillars of white privilege enjoyed by author Mitch Albom

This fucking guy...I might have to become the first person ever to burn Tuesdays with Morrie. By Andrew J. Pridgen Mitch Albom, author of children’s books for adults and surreptitious Trump supporter, is a fuckhead. Sorry, I know that sentence was terse and not very nice, but it is in words he’d understand. Albom quizzically weighed in on the growing number of New...

East Coast blasé: How the College Football Playoff selection committee’s early bedtime has resulted in ZERO West Coast representation

The good thing about the BCS before it morphed into a #fourteamplayoff was at least the computer didn’t have to go to bed early/wasn’t too blacked out from the Mississippi State/Ole Miss tailgater to make somewhat lucid decisions not based on whether you say y’all unironically. By Andrew Pridgen Of the dozen College Football Playoff selection committee members only ONE has...

An all-SEC final featuring an appearance by Trump, a fitting end to the relevance of college football.

Mercifully, college football can now be ignored in my timezone. By Andrew J. Pridgen I doubt many around the land will tune in to Monday’s CFP national championship game—the emerging news that America’s wilting and confused commander-in-chief will be there is even more reason to skip the non-event. The teams in question are Georgia and Alabama, squads from the same college...