Thursday, August 22, 2019

My brief and torrid love affair with the iPhone 6s

We all love our handheld devices. Some a little more than others. By Andrew Pridgen Me: Hey. iPhone 6s: Hey Me: How’s it? iPhone 6s: Good. U? Me: Good. iPhone 6s: … Me: Sorry. I’m kinda new at this. lol. iPhone 6s: Don’t worry. I get it. Me: So, um. How does this work? iPhone 6s: ...Wow. No small talk? Me: I know what I want. iPhone 6s: Sounds like it. Me: So,...

East Coast blasé: How the College Football Playoff selection committee’s early bedtime has resulted in ZERO West Coast representation

The good thing about the BCS before it morphed into a #fourteamplayoff was at least the computer didn’t have to go to bed early/wasn’t too blacked out from the Mississippi State/Ole Miss tailgater to make somewhat lucid decisions not based on whether you say y’all unironically. By Andrew Pridgen Of the dozen College Football Playoff selection committee members only ONE has...

Donald Trump’s complete inaugural address…with subtitles

Fully annotated. By Donald J. Trump (with Andrew J. Pridgen) Chief Justice Roberts, President Carter, President Clinton, President Bush, President Obama, fellow Americans and people of the world, thank you. I wanted to say fuck you, but Ivanka suggested I start on a high note. So I’ll save it for farther down. We, the citizens of America are now joined in a...

Dean Spanos, Trickster God, is trying to get San Diego to build him a very big, very empty house of lies

Dean Spanos is trying to pull off a cheap trick for his hail Mary to keep the Chargers in San Diego. Below, the three major ways the billionaire is trying to bamboozle everyone in the whale's vagina. Written by Kyle Magin Giving a billionaire hundreds of millions of dollars to build a professional sports stadium is like introducing Ryan Gosling to...

The Big 12 is so stupid

Did you go to college in Kansas? If so, how are you reading this right now? By Kyle Magin We compiled a probably-not-totally-accurate ranking of the power five college football conferences (full members only, but the ACC didn’t really need Notre Dame) by acceptance rates: the percentage of lazy high school applicants each U lets in. One thing stood out in our...

The private equity firm that owns Squaw Valley-Alpine Meadows is a hyper-local example of how America is being rotted out from the inside

Winning by losing and showing no care or concern for the end user (skiers and riders) while doing so. By Andrew J. Pridgen A couple weeks ago, the marketing office at Squaw Valley came up with a strange and context-free Instagram rant about silencing the “trolls and haters” on their “corner” of the internet. By way of background, the post was...

Why does the America’s Cup fucking suck so bad?

What's up America's Cup? By Andrew Pridgen That's an actual question, not the rhetorical kind. It's like what the fuck is up with you? For starters, and I'm not even gonna mess around, like could you take the word America off your title? I checked with Obama and he's like "unless they can come up with a more American sport than sailing...

Let’s pause for a moment to clarify what the Republican party has become

The alt-right has borrowed exclusively from the Nazi playbook and the ramifications are just now starting to manifest. By Andrew J. Pridgen You are not the party of Lincoln. No. Not anymore. Not by a long shot. Lincoln’s virtues and values were rooted in the notion that all men are to be given a fair shot and at the same time,...

Dear Twitter, for the safety of this union, please take Donald Trump’s favorite toy away

Twitter is most dangerous play thing for the most dangerous child ever to be elected to his nation’s highest office. By Andrew J. Pridgen Twitter was a clever little idea that may go down in history as the communications tool that destroyed a country, if not the world. The shorthand social networking service was founded in March 2006 by a quartet of...

Sh*t just got real at ESPN

ESPN, a decidedly old-guard institution and barely-hanging-in-there holdover from the early days of cable just dropped pink slips on at least 100 individuals in its front-line talent pool. More to come. By Andrew J. Pridgen The Mouse’s once venerable sports and media juggernaut is now showing its age more than Carrot Top after missing a BOTOX sesh. The Network, which...