Saturday, April 21, 2018
Football: College

Football: College

Revised: Baylor acceptance letter to potential female students

5/19/2016 1301 S. University Parks Drive Waco, TX 76798 Dear Brooke, We are writing to inform you, that after careful consideration of your credentials and the environment here at Baylor University, you are accepted to enroll in the Fall semester of 2016 and can expect to be raped sometime in the next four to five years. Go Bears! Your exemplary high school academic records--eight...

Hey Oregon football, never f*cking tell me what to wear again

#wearyourflannel By Andrew J. Pridgen Those who know me know one thing: I am sartorially challenged. To take down a wholesale inventory of my wardrobe is to read a normal person’s packing list for a three-day work trip: Two pair(s) of jeans, one for work, one for Friday/Saturday go-out (no, they don’t have white stitches.) Two business casual work shirts with various...

Rosen-colored glasses

UCLA quarterback Josh Rosen’s recent comments on the rigors student athletes face are 100 percent right, but also myopic. By Andrew J. Pridgen College football is a multi-billion-dollar-a-year entertainment juggernaut. It is a sport that’s profitable for the many involved: The schools, their conferences, the outfitters (uniform, shoes, helmets), the coaches, the assistants, the assistants to the assistants, the...

The Imperiousness of the NCAA

It's time to root for the amateurs to get paid like professionals. By Kyle Magin I felt a tiny, cheap thrill when I heard the University of Texas basketball program is under NCAA investigation for academic fraud. A caveman emotion—suppressed like the urge to laugh when somebody gets kicked in the nuts or a cop steps in shit when he’s trying to...

It’s 2 a.m. and Oregon Football is alone at the end of the bar

Oregon Football hasn’t yet fallen far enough to need a comeback. But the signs are there this evening has come to an end. By Andrew Pridgen Oregon Football is holding a foam-lined pint glass in one hand and its iPhone 5c in the other hovering over the far corner of New Max’s bar. He’s framed by a trio of groomed...

The Pac-12 is too good for its own good

Nobody else is saying it, so I will: The Pac-12 is the best, most-dominant, rife with talent, toughest to win in consistently, not-ugh-this-game-fucking-sucks-and-glad-I-watched-all-sixty-minutes-for-it-to-be-10-3, disturbingly proficient at producing NFL-ready players conference in college football. And yet, after last weekend they’ve virtually been eliminated from post-season ‘tournament’ play. Why taking the Pac-12 out of the equation is like taking the ACC out...

Are Oregon’s glow-in-the dark uniforms a show of narcissism or simply a cry for help?

A selfie of a Tron-inspired kit sparks debate online about the mental well-being of Oregon football uniforms. Psychologists analyze the fallout from the attention-grab. By Andrew Pridgen Seeking consumer and fan validation through colorful and interchangeable variants has been a hallmark of Oregon’s football uniforms for the majority of this century. Psychologists today warn the Oregon uniform’s increased need for validation combined...

The Oregon Ducks will go 5-7 this season. Here’s how (and why)

Hint: It’s not just Mark Helfrich. Well, it’s mostly Helfrich...but not all Helfrich. By Andrew J. Pridgen Every civilization has its rise, apex, then demise. Unfortunately, for reasons he can’t 100-percent control or articulate, Oregon football coach Mark Helfrich will be the man fingered for destroying the Ducks’ unprecedented two-decade run to big-time college football prominence, and—perhaps more importantly for...

Helfrich in a handbasket

Like battering Oregon head coach Mark Helfrich on the message boards? Don’t get used to it. Big program frontmen don’t get much margin for error.  By Andrew Pridgen There’s a common misperception among the civilian ranks that football’s head coaches, especially on a collegiate level, have to be one part field general, one part molder of men and one part...

The Big 12 is so stupid

Did you go to college in Kansas? If so, how are you reading this right now? By Kyle Magin We compiled a probably-not-totally-accurate ranking of the power five college football conferences (full members only, but the ACC didn’t really need Notre Dame) by acceptance rates: the percentage of lazy high school applicants each U lets in. One thing stood out in our...