Sunday, May 28, 2017

The Oregon Ducks will go 5-7 this season. Here’s how (and why)

Hint: It’s not just Mark Helfrich. Well, it’s mostly Helfrich...but not all Helfrich. By Andrew J. Pridgen Every civilization has its rise, apex, then demise. Unfortunately, for reasons he can’t 100-percent control or articulate, Oregon football coach Mark Helfrich will be the man fingered for destroying the Ducks’ unprecedented two-decade run to big-time college football prominence, and—perhaps more importantly for...

The Big 12 is STILL so stupid

Do you have a pulse, a checkbook, and college aspirations? Kansas wants you! Written By Kyle Magin We’re in the second year of our annual probably-not-totally accurate academic ranking of the power five college football conferences by acceptance rates: the percentage of high school applicants each university admits. Click here to see how schools ranked last year. I’m sensing a broken-record scenario here,...

Pints and Picks Week 1: College Football Kickoff 2016 has already gone to the dogs

Each week, during college football season DPB’s Kyle Magin and Andrew J. Pridgen pour on the prose with Pints and Picks™. Who to wager and (sometimes) what to drink while doing it. This week: #CFBkickoff: By Kyle Magin and Andrew J. Pridgen AJ, We’re here again, on the precipice of another college football season. Before we proceed to ND-Texas, Oklahoma-Houston or SC-Bama,...

Hey Oregon football, never f*cking tell me what to wear again

#wearyourflannel By Andrew J. Pridgen Those who know me know one thing: I am sartorially challenged. To take down a wholesale inventory of my wardrobe is to read a normal person’s packing list for a three-day work trip: Two pair(s) of jeans, one for work, one for Friday/Saturday go-out (no, they don’t have white stitches.) Two business casual work shirts with various...

Where is the outrage over USC AD Pat Haden’s sanctioned embezzlement?

...Are we that worn out by scandal that we can’t even bring ourselves to tweet about it? By Andrew J. Pridgen On the same day we learned that the presumptive Republican nominee for president’s campaign is as broke as his steak company, we find on the West Coast that USC athletic director Pat Haden similarly has been siphoning off money from...

Revised: Baylor acceptance letter to potential female students

5/19/2016 1301 S. University Parks Drive Waco, TX 76798 Dear Brooke, We are writing to inform you, that after careful consideration of your credentials and the environment here at Baylor University, you are accepted to enroll in the Fall semester of 2016 and can expect to be raped sometime in the next four to five years. Go Bears! Your exemplary high school academic records--eight...

Things a first-round pick should never say just after being selected to join the NFL

April 28, 2016 at 5 p.m. PST the NFL Network will broadcast its annual National Legalized Slave Auction Day. If you’re one of the lucky ones to get jumped into the league, here’s a primer of some thoughts you might just want to keep under that flat-billed hat at your first presser. By Andrew J. Pridgen The difference between playing college...

These college football coaches bathe in smarm

College Football’s moral high ground stands roughly 7 circles deep, which is apparently still tall enough to preach from. Written By Kyle Magin The college football recruiting game is a well-acknowledged cesspool. Hordes of assistants chasing a seven-figure head coaching contract head into some of America’s poorest neighborhoods to recruit its best athletes to beat the living shit out of one...

Not my College Football Championship

ESPN prepares for another the biggest rating’s disaster of this bowl season Monday, this time at the hands of the Deep South. By Andrew J. Pridgen Until about  8:18 p.m. PST New Year’s Eve 2015, my interest in this year’s four-team college football playoff could have been described as moderately bemused to waning: something between season three and beyond of...

Oregon to interview Atreyu and Falkor to replace Helfrich and Pellum

Hoping to exorcise the un-magic that happened in the second half of the Alamo Bowl, Oregon’s head coach and defensive coordinator search starts with a pair of trusted names. ...But it's not who you think. By Andrew Pridgen This offseason, the Oregon Ducks should not waste any time firing head coach Mark Helfrich and defensive coordinator Don Pellum and his pimp...

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