Sunday, October 21, 2018

Why the f*ck are you still a 49ers fan?

I try and I try and I try...but I can’t seem to understand the point of rooting for the present-day 49ers unless you have that disease Drew Barrymore had in 50 First Dates where you maybe got knocked out sometime in the early ‘90s and every day you wake up thinking the team is great while at the same...

The five pillars of white privilege enjoyed by author Mitch Albom

This fucking guy...I might have to become the first person ever to burn Tuesdays with Morrie. By Andrew J. Pridgen Mitch Albom, author of children’s books for adults and surreptitious Trump supporter, is a fuckhead. Sorry, I know that sentence was terse and not very nice, but it is in words he’d understand. Albom quizzically weighed in on the growing number of New...

Things a first-round pick should never say just after being selected to join the NFL

April 28, 2016 at 5 p.m. PST the NFL Network will broadcast its annual National Legalized Slave Auction Day. If you’re one of the lucky ones to get jumped into the league, here’s a primer of some thoughts you might just want to keep under that flat-billed hat at your first presser. By Andrew J. Pridgen The difference between playing college...

What NFL transgression will finally force me to stop watching for good?

The first last straw came early last season when tape surfaced of Ray Rice knocking his fiancé out like Debo in an elevator. On Sept. 9, 2014, I gave up the NFL and its sponsors for good. Well, kind of for good. Knowing full well that I could only avoid the NFL like a Smurf does Gargamel for so...

Just Vegas Baby!

Why the Raiders’ pending move to Vegas makes the most sense of all the things ever. By Andrew J. Pridgen The guy who cuts my hair is a Raider fan. He and his cousin have season tickets. <-For starters, this gives credence to my theory that all Raider fans know their way around a no. 2 and have cousins that are...

Dean Spanos, Trickster God, is trying to get San Diego to build him a very big, very empty house of lies

Dean Spanos is trying to pull off a cheap trick for his hail Mary to keep the Chargers in San Diego. Below, the three major ways the billionaire is trying to bamboozle everyone in the whale's vagina. Written by Kyle Magin Giving a billionaire hundreds of millions of dollars to build a professional sports stadium is like introducing Ryan Gosling to...

A peek at Jim Druckenmiller’s LinkedIn brings back all the memories

...The Druck was recently suggested as someone I might know by the at-work networking site. And I was instantly transported. By Andrew J. Pridgen LinkedIn is one of those annoying/necessary workday distractions. For most people, it’s the unblocked Facebook of business hours. Downtime on LinkedIn = sifting through a lot of People You May Know wondering things like: Why is Laura...

Marching on from the NFL

The weekend’s AFC and NFC championship games were overshadowed by the real story: 3.3 million people marching in protest across the country. As our collective conscious moves onto more pertinent matters than lining billionaire’s pockets, is there a future for the NFL? By Andrew J. Pridgen The New England Patriots punched a ticket to their seventh Super Bowl appearance this...

Thank you Marissa Mayer for looking hot and keeping Yahoo! fantasy football normal

Hear me out, I'm not a big Vogue reader (September Issue notwithstanding, that thing is thicker than Jonah Falcon waking up in the morning) but when I do, I look for Grade-A American hotties. By Andrew Pridgen Last month, Anna Wintour's trust fund featured Yahoo's (why is it not Yahoo!'s?) Marissa Mayer. Hells yeah. She was all dressed up in a...

This year we’re giving San Francisco the greatest gift of all: Its 49ers back

Editor's Note: Each holiday season DPB tries to give a little back to the sports that have given us so much (to write about). Last year it was offering to buy a Candlestick Park urinal off the SF Recreation & Parks Department. This year, well, we're offering to buy the 49ers off the York family...and return them to The...