Sunday, January 20, 2019

Welcome to The Suck Graduates

It’s graduation season, which means if you’re bedecked in a mortar board and tassel everyone older than you is about to offer advice. Which is fine. It’s exciting to see graduates. Your smiles are indelible. Your gowns pressed so neatly juxtaposed with that look in your eye, like you know something the rest of us don’t. It’s irresistible. By Andrew...

Who said it? 21 quotes that were uttered by either Donald Trump, Patrick Bateman or Both

Sadly, they seem to have a lot in common. Including what they say. By Andrew J. Pridgen One is a heir from a wealthy East Coast family who has extreme personality disorders and uses his day job as a materialistic Wall Street investment banker as cover for leading a double life as a serial killer. The other is a heir from...

Now that Oregon football is totally ordinary is it OK to stop punishing the Earth (and our eyes) with alt jerseys every week?

The nadir came Saturday when the Ducks stepped all over themselves in Puddles-themed unis. ...It should end now, but if they insist on finishing out the season with disposable garments week in and week out, below are a few suggestions on how to do it in style. By Andrew J. Pridgen The Nike PR Department once said that Tiger Woods...

Cancel these Olympics! An Oral History of all that is awful with the Games Part 2: The 21st Century

Part 2 of 2: Every four years, some city with a bankruptcy wish hosts a Summer Olympics, usually successfully! Every four years, somebody says it’ll fail or won’t be ready in time and should be boycotted, postponed, cancelled or moved. Click here to read Part 1. Written by Kyle Magin This summer, the Zika virus and impending collapse of Brazil’s political system...

Sh*t just got real at ESPN

ESPN, a decidedly old-guard institution and barely-hanging-in-there holdover from the early days of cable just dropped pink slips on at least 100 individuals in its front-line talent pool. More to come. By Andrew J. Pridgen The Mouse’s once venerable sports and media juggernaut is now showing its age more than Carrot Top after missing a BOTOX sesh. The Network, which...

These college football coaches bathe in smarm

College Football’s moral high ground stands roughly 7 circles deep, which is apparently still tall enough to preach from. Written By Kyle Magin The college football recruiting game is a well-acknowledged cesspool. Hordes of assistants chasing a seven-figure head coaching contract head into some of America’s poorest neighborhoods to recruit its best athletes to beat the living shit out of one...

PAC 12 football coaches take a stand against the NCAA’s early signing period …for all the wrong reasons

You know, it has everything to do with what benefits the program and nothing to do with what's good for the student. By Andrew J. Pridgen Leave it to college football coaches to take a stand and do the right thing ...but only in the name of self-aggrandizement. Thursday, Pac-12 coaches and program surrogates got together in Hollywood for a preseason...

Having already sold their souls, now the GOP wants to put public lands on the auction block

Along with cultivating fear, hatred, demagoguery — and the abandonment of all common sense, reason and facts, the GOP also wants to sell off to the highest (or lowest?) bidder our public lands. Written by Kyle Magin Asserting strong sentiments on public land use, at this particularly perilous point in U.S. history, feels frivolous. Being a hunter, hiker, camper, Sierra Club member...

The craps table is full of assholes: This and other musings from 28 minutes at a casino on New Year’s Eve

These scenes are a reminder of how adept we’ve become at pretending the glue-gunned feathers holding together our economic and moral fabric are going to hold. By Andrew J. Pridgen I come from gambling stock. My great-grandfather on my mother’s side was a degenerate Scandinavian card player who died in a trailer outside Vegas back when Vegas was more holes in...

Rogue One Teaser Trailer breakdown: Disney and Lifetime team up for a Star Wars-inspired saga of a single career woman who joins the Rebel Alliance…and stumbles upon love

So, now it’s only a matter of time before several hundred Felicity Jones and Daisy Ridley action figures find their way out of their boxes and into some...questionable situations in your mother’s basement.   Here Kyle Magin and Andrew J. Pridgen break down the Rogue One teaser and speculate about how many new AT-ATs (worst. Toy. Ever this side of...