Tuesday, June 27, 2017

To rebuild, Oregon (football) needs to get weird again

Nike, once a counter culture brand, and Oregon, once a counterculture school, need to go back to their roots in radicalism to be relevant again. By Andrew J. Pridgen Over the past two decades I’ve marveled at how the culture of Oregon football has morphed to become the opposite of Eugene and the namesake state. The University of Oregon, in...

Oregon Football Isn’t Just Bad, It’s Boring

...But that’s not even the worst part. By Andrew J. Pridgen By the second half of Saturday’s Oregon/USC game, I was on to other things. This isn’t easy for me to admit, nor is it something I am particularly proud of. Ever since I’ve been writing about Ducks Football in this space, one of my constant harangues has been decrying the thin-skinnedness...

That’s So Bo

Like Homer abandoning Springfield in the Simpsons Movie, Bo Ryan is exiting college basketball with both middle fingers up in a less-than-heroic retreat. Written by Kyle Magin Bo Ryan has the most perfectly complementary personality/face combination in the history of college basketball, a sport Adolph Rupp’s tom turkey visage gobbled its way angrily through for decades. The former University of Wisconsin...

The Oregon Ducks will go 5-7 this season. Here’s how (and why)

Hint: It’s not just Mark Helfrich. Well, it’s mostly Helfrich...but not all Helfrich. By Andrew J. Pridgen Every civilization has its rise, apex, then demise. Unfortunately, for reasons he can’t 100-percent control or articulate, Oregon football coach Mark Helfrich will be the man fingered for destroying the Ducks’ unprecedented two-decade run to big-time college football prominence, and—perhaps more importantly for...

USFS officials are clearly ignoring the fact that they stumbled upon a mass murder scene at Lake Shasta

The 2016 Slaughterhouse Island massacre is second only to obscene data overages caused by Snapchat as a parent’s worst nightmare. By Andrew J. Pridgen The internets grew a new tail Tuesday from posted pictures of a University of Oregon outdoor school field trip turned deadly orgy of careless bottled water discarding on a spit of land called—ready—fucking Slaughterhouse Island at...

It’s 2 a.m. and Oregon Football is alone at the end of the bar

Oregon Football hasn’t yet fallen far enough to need a comeback. But the signs are there this evening has come to an end. By Andrew Pridgen Oregon Football is holding a foam-lined pint glass in one hand and its iPhone 5c in the other hovering over the far corner of New Max’s bar. He’s framed by a trio of groomed...

Revised: Baylor acceptance letter to potential female students

5/19/2016 1301 S. University Parks Drive Waco, TX 76798 Dear Brooke, We are writing to inform you, that after careful consideration of your credentials and the environment here at Baylor University, you are accepted to enroll in the Fall semester of 2016 and can expect to be raped sometime in the next four to five years. Go Bears! Your exemplary high school academic records--eight...

Oregon hired its first black football coach. Why that’s important and why it shouldn’t be.

Willie Taggart, 40, is the first coach Oregon has hired from outside the program since 1976. The Ducks’ previous three coaches, Mike Bellotti, Chip Kelly and Mark Helfrich, were assistants who were promoted. His goal: Graduate students and be the first black coach to win a national championship. By Andrew J. Pridgen On July 12, 1991, I saw John Singleton’s...

Oregonian beat writer is wrong: The Ducks are worthy

The Oregonian’s resident Duck expert Kevin Goe characterizes U of O’s football season as a disappointment with blood on the hands of its porous defense and an offense that uses lots of smoke and mirrors to hide its deficiencies. Statistics reveal a different story about how Oregon closed out its 2015 campaign. By Andrew Pridgen Nine wins a failure? Six straight...

The Big 12 is STILL so stupid

Do you have a pulse, a checkbook, and college aspirations? Kansas wants you! Written By Kyle Magin We’re in the second year of our annual probably-not-totally accurate academic ranking of the power five college football conferences by acceptance rates: the percentage of high school applicants each university admits. Click here to see how schools ranked last year. I’m sensing a broken-record scenario here,...

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