Monday, July 24, 2017

Your Artisanal Poutine is Offensive

Written By Kyle Magin In the course of my 9-to-5 as an editor, I come across a number of menus from farm-to-table/fusion/nouveau expensive restaurants. In case that’s not descriptive enough for you, these are the restaurants where the childfree/empty nesters who want to be cool head to in (name of town/neighborhood here that imploded after 2008) on the waterfront that...

Just Vegas Baby!

Why the Raiders’ pending move to Vegas makes the most sense of all the things ever. By Andrew J. Pridgen The guy who cuts my hair is a Raider fan. He and his cousin have season tickets. <-For starters, this gives credence to my theory that all Raider fans know their way around a no. 2 and have cousins that are...

Barry Bonds: Real-life misanthrope and social media genius

How did the most hated man in all of sport become the happiest guy on the internet? By Andrew Pridgen Barry Bonds has always been known for a kind of calculated obtuseness. In the ‘90s and early 2000s, when he came to prominence as the greatest hitter of his generation and arguably, all time, the media both in the Bay Area—and...

Which still from a Megadeth video will American life most closely resemble in 18 months?

For 30 years Megadeth has predicted a not-so-pretty end to this American experiment. Now that their dystopian views are coming into focus, it's time to ponder which of Megadeth's prognostications are most accurate. By Andrew J. Pridgen Ginger rocker and Megadeth founder Dave Mustaine has always been the literal red-headed stepchild of heavy metal. He awoke on April 11, 1983 hungover after...

The Bay to Breakers has morphed into pure evil

The 104th Bay to Breakers takes place in San Francisco Sunday. In spite of the efforts to control the 50,000 participants, the 7.5-mile course has turned into a moving cautionary tale about where its host city, and possibly humanity, is headed. By Andrew Pridgen Have I run the Bay to Breakers? Yes. Have I also walked the course, people-watched (people-stared) and gladly...

Midweek Musings: Kenny Loggins’ Celebrity Bikini Tennis Tournament

Editor's Note: Every couple weeks, we roll out Midweek Musings. Bad one-liners that are actually (sadly) rejected column ideas. We apologize in advance for the three minutes you'll never get back. By Andrew Pridgen I think credit bureaus should be in charge of writing people's obits. That way we can find out who they really were. Unlike in the movies, I...

The Earth is thawing out the next five unstoppable human-destroying plagues at this very moment and all people can talk about is effing Donald Trump, Ryan Lochte and Colin...

...We are all guilty I suppose. By Andrew J. Pridgen We peeps do a really good job of really fucking up priorities on a regular basis. Owe three months rent? I’ll just put that jacket on the card….and maybe some T-bell. Hello Crunchy Cheesy Core Burrito™. Building’s burning down? Where the fuck is my phone? (Have you seen my fucking phone?) Can we sit...

You hate Tom Brady because he’s the U2 of athletes

U2 and Tom Brady are awesome and resilient and ubiquitous and don't need to keep going, but do. And yet, you hate Tom Brady like you hate U2. It’s probably just because you hate yourself. By Andrew Pridgen In 1997, U2 launched the PopMart tour, summarily known as the last, loudest and biggest piece of campy shit in rock history. By design,...

Chelsea Handler’s Netflix talk show may have something …and no, it’s not a STD

Bad reviews, her executive producer's dismissal and documenting the first time Tony Hale and Bill Hader have ever not been funny on camera notwithstanding… Handler is learning episode by episode how to bring the talk show into this century. By Andrew J. Pridgen Chelsea Handler’s Netflix talk show comes off not as important as it is self-important. Though her directives are...

Turns out the Eagles didn’t totally suck

I used to believe Glenn Frey was pop music’s Antichrist...until it dawned on me, he might have been the Eagles’ (and my) savior. By Andrew J. Pridgen I grew up fucking hating the Eagles. It was for a lot of reasons and really none of them were about the band or its songs. To me the Eagles were the worst (see: most...

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Conor McGregor and Floyd Mayweather Jr. are getting paid handsomely to...

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As Oakland parts out its team once more, Billy Beane’s legacy...

Oakland is in the midst of its second purge in three seasons. The difference this time is EVP of baseball operations Billy Beane hints...

California Baseball Weekly: Seller Dwellers

Every week during the 2017 season, we’ll check in with California’s five MLB teams. Who’s up? Who’s down? Who has the cheapest ticket this...

Bettors be advised to take the Dodgers at 3-1 to win...

It’s as close to a sure thing as anything this side of the Russians interfering. By Andrew J. Pridgen There are no secrets left in...