Friday, April 20, 2018

Oregon coach denies presence of Glory Holes in new state-of-the-art facility

Charlotesville, VA — First-year University of Oregon head coach Mark Helfrich this week danced around the question of whether whether the O-shaped holes installed in the shower and tub rooms are, in fact, glory holes better than his quarterback Marcus Mariota can samba around the pass rush. Hoping to focus on the task at hand, making sure the majority of...

Gentlemen, set your lineups

Re: Gentlemen, Set Your Lineups The above was the subject header of the email I used to send out to my playas (hashtag: ballerstatus) in my fantasy league the day of NFL kickoff. Most of the dudes in the league were handpicked by me to be in it. I based the invite on: 1) How long I've known them. Pretty...

Why does the America’s Cup fucking suck so bad?

What's up America's Cup? By Andrew Pridgen That's an actual question, not the rhetorical kind. It's like what the fuck is up with you? For starters, and I'm not even gonna mess around, like could you take the word America off your title? I checked with Obama and he's like "unless they can come up with a more American sport than sailing...

Thank you Marissa Mayer for looking hot and keeping Yahoo! fantasy football normal

Hear me out, I'm not a big Vogue reader (September Issue notwithstanding, that thing is thicker than Jonah Falcon waking up in the morning) but when I do, I look for Grade-A American hotties. By Andrew Pridgen Last month, Anna Wintour's trust fund featured Yahoo's (why is it not Yahoo!'s?) Marissa Mayer. Hells yeah. She was all dressed up in a...